~2-25-05~ I'm back

grandpa is here so i'm back upstairs.


so, not too much happened this weekend. got the new playstation 2. they sure weren't kidding about how freakin SMALL it is!! it is ridiculous!!! it really is about the size of a hardcover book!!! and weighs about as much. CRAZY!! so now clay's games work fine. thank goodness!


i got those crayola fingerpaint things, that only work on special paper. NOT for my kid! he digs his fingers into the shit! so those are put up! we will stick with the special markers.

i also got him some new pens for his aqua-doodle. they have these cute little coloring mats for the aqua-doodle pen, that change colors when you color with it. it to also dries back to normal and you can reuse them. they are neat! my poor mom, they all got put on her credit card! no, i knew she wouldn't mind. the playstation was his early birthday gift, and the others weren't all that expensive.


mom was here all weekend. well both days. i like having her around. even though she does drive me nuts. so we had a good weekend.


onto movies. well the only one we watched was saw, and of course i am pissed. i swear i am about to quit watching movies!!! it was a half way decent movie, but like usual, the end pissed me off. i don't like wondering what the hell happened.

we have shark tale, but bob is dragging his feet about watching it. if he doesn't hurry i'm going to watch it without him, cause i really want to see it, i heard it was cute.


onto tv. i am VERY pissed that darlene got kicked off of wickedly perfect. i think she is the only one that would do a good job with her own show. who the hell wants to watch any of those other people?!?! i love darlene! she kicked ass on that last project, and even though her team didn't win, they wouldn't have done near as well as they did without her!!


i was a bitch this morning. but let me tell you why! i was actaully in bed last night around 11. we didn't go to sleep til almost 1, but that is still good for me. i think i finally realized why i am so tired all the damn time.

so i'm in bed by 1. well at 6 am, bob's fucking alarms start going off. i swear there were about 4 or 5 of them in about a 10-15 minute period! so i was already pissed about that. what does he do. shuts them off and he is back to sleep in about 30 seconds. me, well, i am wide fucking awake!!!!!

then at 6:30 for some reason, clay crys for about 30 seconds. i get up out of bed to go see what is up, then he is back to sleep. so i lay down again. still wide awake!!!!! finally bob gets up at almost 7. i'm still trying to get back to sleep. then i hear him come back in the bedroom about quarter after 7. when the hell am i supposed to get back to sleep?!?!?!?! so when i finally do, then clay is up.

my body is like, when i am up then go back to sleep, its like i am starting all over again. so i maybe get like a half hour sleep if that. i wasn't arguing with him this morning when he kept asking me what was wrong. dude, i'm trying to get back to sleep, just ssshhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! so he called a bit ago and asked why i was so grumpy this morning. so i told him, so then he goes, what, do you want me to quit my job?!?! yeah right! then he got shitty and told me to clear off the spare bed and he would sleep in there. whatever. all that shit on the bed is his, i'm not clearing it off!!!! then again, if i want him to sleep in there i guess i should. both situations are a pain in my ass!!!! i feel bad making him sleep in the spare bedroom, but damn, i should be awoke in the midst of my sleep, should i?! and hell no, i'm not getting up when he gets up! when clay gets up is when i need to be up, no time sooner! that will all change soon enough if/when baby #2 comes in the picture, not before then!!

i should do that while clay naps, but where to put all the shit?! all the rest of the room/floor/dresser/closet is already strewen with junk!!! i NEED boxes so i can start packing shit up! i am half tempted to just break out the credit card and order some damn boxes, i don't know where to get any, and am too lazy to drive all over town asking stores for them. i LOVE those wardrobe boxes that they have. i wish they weren't so expensive. well they aren't bad, but as many as i would need.....that makes them DAMN expensive!!!!


oh well.....gotta get back down to grandpa and clay!!

~2-28-05~ Weekend update

got my garage door saturday! woo-hoo!!!!! even though it isn't anything special, it looks so pretty! we can actually use our garage now!!! which of course means now it needs cleaned out! sigh!


saturday we also looked at some houses. of course i still am in love with the one on maplecrest! mom and i went back sunday for the open house. YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN ALL THE PEOPLE THERE!!!! and that was just the 15 minutes we were there! so it will probably be sold!!! damn it!!!!

i do have more to add, but i'm done with my cigarette, so now i have to go back to being mommy. i'll be back when grandpa gets here.....see ya in a bit

~2-25-05~ State tax

well i just checked my refund status. it says the check was issued on 2-28-05.

isn't today only the 25th?!

oh well, it says i should receive it in 7-10 business days. i'm assuming it won't be mailed out til the 28th? damn government. oh well. at least i should have it by next pay. woo-hoo!

~2-25-05~ Good thoughts

i just had a very good thought. not that it will actually turn out the way i have planned (does it ever?!)

i was just figuring out bills, and i realized that if i stick to the plan i have now, we could almost be debt free (aside from house payment, car payment, student loan, and 1 big credit card) by the end of 2006. i know that is still a way away, but how awesome would that be if it goes that way?!

i'm hoping to pay off 3 small credit cards ($2000 total) with bob's vacation check this summer. that would only leave 2 sort of big ones ($5000 total). 1 can be paid off with the tax refund i hope to get next year, and then the other can be paid off with his vacation from that summer. EVEN BETTER, i am hoping that we have some extra cash if/WHEN we sell our house, and then they could be taken care of even sooner!!!!

that is such a good thought!! sort of takes a load off my shoulders, but then again, i just KNOW that something will happen in that time frame. story of my life people!!!!!

i just can't wait to get my $600 from the state, i can finally get caught up with the bills i screwed up, and back to my regular schedule. then we will no longer be strapped for cash!! i'm real pissed at my tax guy....i read on the tax form, that if you file for direct deposit you can have your refund deposited in 5-7 days!!!!!!! why did he NOT ask me if i wanted that?!?! i definitely would have!!! my mom said the same thing. so i don't know what the deal with that is!! it would be real nice to have the money now. i hate putting bills off til next pay, cause i am catching up and making double payments from last pay!! UGH!!! hopefully next month this will all be over, and i'll be back to my nice schedule.

yeah i am a freak with my bills. i have a huge "schedule" that i have written out for each month. i tried to do it on the computer, microsoft money i think, but a good ole pad and pen works better for me. i hate relying on anything else to do my calculations except myself. so now it is all scribbly, hopefully soon, it will be all nice, neat, and balanced!!

bob also informed me that he is going to quit smoking. i tried not to laugh in his face....but if you only knew him! then he informed me that he would have to get on the patch or something! well hell, that is probably going to cost more than damn smoking!!! but i guess it is not the money, it is his health that is important, right?!


other news....nails. i don't know if i told you all that the last time i got my nails done i had fungus under one of them. i have NEVER had that. well once, but i was working then, so my hands were in water all day, and i had to glue my broken nail. i'm sure water got trapped under there and, wa-la fungus. well i don't know what the deal was a few weeks back. i am looking at my nails now and it looks like 2 OTHER ones now have fungus as well. what the fuck?!?! i haven't had any broken or any fault of my own to cause this. i'm about to call my nail girl and semi-bitch! i don't know if she needs to clean her shit or what. and everyone bitches about the foreign people. i have never had a problem with them....except they are expensive and too busy. oh well.............


OM f'n G!!!!!!! did you all watch dr. phil yesterday or today. i was a bawling bitch! i really can't even get into the whole story (it took 2 days of tv) but it was awful. i don't think i have ever seen something so awful.

these parents wrote to dr. phil for help, they thought their son, 19, was a sexual predator. to top it off they had suspicion that he had touched his young sister, maybe 6 or 7. it was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo apparent that this kid is not right and in need of help. i could tell from day 1. day 2 dr. phil gave him a lie detector. and it turned out that he did indeed touch his sister. it was so sad and upsetting!!!!!

his brothers already hated him, which to me is sad. not that they didn't have reason too, but it is just sad that there could be such problems that your brothers hate you and wish you dead! then after the results from the lie detector, the father said, do you want dead now or later. then a while later he told him that he was dead to them. how awful to hear from your parent. and how awful to say to your son! it was just an awful situation. my heart broke for every single one of them involved. i know the kid needs help, i pray, pray, PRAY he gets it!!!!

lord, being a parent is soooooo scary. and i have only just begun! i am so terrified! so i was just a bawling mess the whole hour. clay kept looking at me and saying "eyes, eyes" and putting his hands to his eyes. i was wiping mine with a kleenex. i just can't ever imagine "hating" my child. no matter what he does, but what if he hurts another one of my children as well. such a heart breaking situation! lord this world is so sad today! i just don't understand!


another meltdown tonight. after writing that, it seems pretty stupid and trivial. yes, i had a meltdown over a damn mouse!! i don't know if i told you all the other day my cat actually had a dead mouse. well then a few days ago, bob say one up in our ceiling in the kitchen. he put one of the live traps up there. well tonight he caught one. so i go look at it. it was the tiniest, cutest, precious thing!!!!! so then i had the realization that he was going to take this poor mouse out into the cold snow, and just drop it off!!!! I THINK IT WAS A BABY!!! if you would have seen how small it was!!! so, remember i am pathetic......i'm thinking that it is going to miss its mommy and daddy, or even brother and sisters, and so on and so on. so i start sobbing. not crying...sobbing! i had half a mind to let the damn thing go back into the basement. and i seriously think bob may have had that thought as well as he seen me in tears. it was awful. i feel awful about it still. my wonderful husband said he took it and put it by another house down the road. yes, i know that may seem awful, and mean, but he was really thinking of me by doing it. he said it was fine, that it ran off under some bushes. so whoever you are down the road, i am sorry if your house gets infested with mice, my husband was just trying to be nice and make me feel better. hell for all i know he just told me that and actually threw the damn thing out of the car window!!

WHY DO THEY HAVE TO BE SO CUTE!!!!! for those of you who don't think they are cute, are you nuts?!?!?! now i wish i would have taken a picture of it, it was so tiny and so adorable!!

remember, i also don't kill bugs! well mosquitos, and fleas. anything that hunts me and bites me i do. but nothing else. i will capture shit and rush to throw it outside. i swear once it took me a good half hour to get a damn spider out of the house. i'd get it and it would jump off the paper, so i would have to hunt for him and so on and so forth, til i finally got him out the door!

i'm just sensitive like that. or crazy....you be the judge.

~2-24-05~ My House

i broke down and made a before and after page of my house. i couln't wait til it was all done.

the pictures look better full size, of course, but couldn't get them full size on here.

i just made a whole web page, instead of posting them individually.

HERE it is.

~2-24-05~ Forgot to mention

my child, yes he is 2, is obsessed with playstation. yes he is 2!!!!

i made the mistake of trying to entertain him with it once, and now he is addicted.

well i got him an elmo game for christmas, which he is still too young to play, but he gets some enjoyment out of it, so ok. then sometimes i put a car game in for him, since he is soooooooooooo into cars. he can actually make the car go, without getting stuck, so that is a good game for him.

so EVERY DAY it is "elmo-car, elmo-car, elmo-car, elmo-car" on and on and on and on and on and on and on..........he does not stop! he will get his little pillow, take it to the floor by the chair, open the stereo cabinent, get the controller and sit down.

well now all of a sudden my playstation is being a dick head!!!!! first it started with the elmo disk. it would fuck up, and i would cuss the disk out, cheap piece of shit.....well this week now, the damn car disk will not get past a certain screen so he can play! for some reason a few other disks work fine, but not the ones my child wants to play. and those are the ONLY ones he wants to play!!! CHRIST!

my mother being the great person she is, said that we could go out this weekend and get a new one, and that would be his birthday gift, his birthday is in august!!! i almost sent bob out today, cause i don't know if i can make it to this weekend!!!!

i may even break down and get that v-smile thing. i think he would actually be able to play that, instead of just watching, but i don't want to go spend $60, for him to not even use the damn thing. yeah, i guess i could take it back if he doesn't like it.

LORD help me!!!!

~2-24-05~ What to write........

today is almost a blur. i'm just so damn tired! i didn't get to nap today, clay was having NONE of it for some reason. he had been doing so good lately!

i was about to go to bed an hour ago, but i had to pick up and shit, and then i got some energy and am not tired now! GOD!!!!


i know you all are probably sick of hearing it, but i need to get this damn house done. i wish i could just pay someone to come in, do everything that needs done, including go through and pack all my shit. i am so not motivated, but i need to get this house up, because i FOR REAL want that damn house on maplecrest. i have entirely too much time and energy wrapped up in it to not get it. and i am all freaked out about the open house this sunday!!!!

bob's friend is dating her realtor and he said in 20 years he has only sold 1 house through an open house. well my luck this would be someone's #1!!!!!! it is an adorable house, how can anyone who walks in there not love it and want it?!?!?! i am just praying that noone does. i mean it has been up since september, i'm sure they already had an open house before. i'm just stressing out!!!!!

people i already have all the damn rooms organized and decorated!!! i have a sickness i know.

i may seriously consider the whole contingency thing, if they'd go for it. i'll have to ask some more questions, but i want the damn house. nothing else is even looking good to me anymore. i don't even want to look at other houses. my realtor is going to think i am nuts, but when we go saturday AGAIN to look at it, i am planning on measuring and taking a ton of pictures. maybe we should only do that house that day, cause i have a feeling we are going to be there for a while.

and did i tell you all that now bob is like "i don't know" about the house?!?!?!?!? he is the one who was all gung ho, and i liked the one on yale. so he made me all start thinking about it, now i am obsessed and he is all like "i don't know"????


somewhat house related, do you all know how expensive wallpaper is. crimeny!!!!! it is freaking ridiculous!!!! we used to have a wallpaper outlet store here in town, well we went there the other day, the whole damn plaza is gone!!!!! so that totally sucks!!!!! i did find a site online that is pretty reasonable. meaning that they have a few books with rolls for $7.99 at the most. i did find some stuff i really liked in there, but if i get all "themey", like lighthouses, that shit is expensive. some are like $20 a roll, and that is at a "discount"!!! YES, i have sat on here for hours checking out wallpaper for a house that i don't even have yet. i told ya...i'm sick!!


american idol totally pissed me the fuck off tonight. who the hell comes up with the way these people break the hearts and crush the dreams of these poor kids?!?!? i almost don't even want to watch anymore!!! it is totally ridiculous. it was already pissing me off, but tonight with the men. the final guy i should say......after he goes and tells the bottom row of guys to relax they are safe, he breaks out with, who ever---your gone (or whatever rude and stupid they say) to a guy that was on the bottom row!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! granted he is the guy i wanted to go, but i felt horrible for him!!! i mean he was probably all thanking god, and happy thinking he was safe and then BOOM. evil fucking people man! it was awful.

and the first girl to get booted. i had tears in my eyes for her. i thought she was going to lose it or possibly kill ryan seacrest (which i would have adored her for!) she just stood there not talking, eyes wide open. it was awful! i really don't know why i watch it anymore!


and lost, yes it is a damn good show, but why???????????????? nothing much happens on the shows. just people living their lives on the island. i still can't believe they have been out scouting the island, they have been there what, a month now. i haven't seen a "monster" in ages, so what's the problem???? i think i am just too imapatient these days.


well i am shooting for sleep before 1am tonight, so i should get off here to make that happen.

good-night!

~2-23-05~ I itch!!!!

i don't know what the deal is!

first my eye started itching. like for me, if i pet my cat and then touch my eye, it will itch like crazy! well i didn't even touch my cat today!

then my cheek started itching, then forehead.....now my arm itches! and i am all splotchy! what the hell?!

all i ate today was some bacon. please don't tell me i am becoming allergic to bacon!!!! i may have to kill myself!!!

this sucks! i just want to take some benadryl and take a nap! thank goodness nap time is quickly approaching!

~2-22-05~ Sleepy

did you ever sleep and sort of dream like you were doing things, so it seemed as if you never got to sleep at all?! it is hard to explain. but not only did i get to bed late, it felt as if i never even got to sleep at all. then i had to listen to bob's alarm's going off about 50 fucking times, starting at like 6:30am!!! til mine finally went off at 7 and i yelled at him for the umpteenth time to get up. GOD I HATE THAT!! i am seriously considering getting him his own damn bedroom!

anyways, then i swear i heard him (?) shreik my name. like a very urgent, scared, helpless way....i shot up in bed. it was sooooooooooo scary! i looked at the clock and knew he had already left for work, but my heart was beating in my chest! that was freaky!

so of course when clay finally woke up, i just got back to sleep, so i am butt tired. and of course they are here working on the house. no, i am not complaining! i'm just whining cause i am tired.

i was sort of relaxing on the couch a bit ago and i heard some banging that sounded like they started the front porch, i was happy. but then i heard something break, so i get up and somehow clay got a champainge glass and was pounding it on the fucking window and broke it (the glass)!!!! so i yelled, took the glass, cleaned up the broken glass and went back to my rest. a few minutes i heard some more banging , i go look, somehow my child now had a hammer and was banging on the same fucking window!!!!!!! thank god i got up and looked!!! thank god he did not break the damn window! whenever they are here banging the hell out of shit, he goes around and bangs shit. lord! thank goodness grandpa came shortly after that. so now here i am, relaxing, smoking a cigarette finally!!!! thank goodness for grandpa!


i am not cooking tonight either. i have so many left overs in my fridge! they usually get thrown out which is pathectic and soooooooo wasteful. so that is definitely what we are having tonight. either vegetable lasagne, bratwurst, rice, and salisbury steak. probably a combo of all. sounds great doesn't it!


well, i am done with my cigarette. i should get back down there and spend sometime with MY grandpa! even though i get ignored! he is MINE after all!! no, it isn't that bad, it is cute watching him and clay play together. i am glad that clay has him, since he doesn't have my father. talk to ya'll later.

~2-22-05~ It is late!!

i am sweating to death! i feel like i just ran a marathon!!!

i just used my vacuum sealer that i got for christmas. that is wuite the pain in the ass!!!! i don't know if i am going to like this.

first i had to cut out the bags and seal them, no biggie. then i had to get the hamburger out of its pack and into these bags. there was the problem. i had hamburger, grease, blood, everything all over these bags! so i have to wipe the inside and outside of the bags, cause they won't seal if anything is on there. PAIN IN THE ASS!!!!!

then i kept having blood getting sucked out of the bag, so i would have to wipe out the vaccuum thing. PAIN IN THE ASS!!

not to mention i was doing all this while the dishwasher was going right under me/against me....the heat coming out of there was unbearable. i am dying here!!!! i don't think i have ever been so glad to be done with something!!! thank god they had a 12 pound limit on the hamburger, or i would still be down there cussing!


i am also late cause i watched that nanny show. i recorded it since these people had a son clay's age, and seemed to do some of the same stuff. i got some new ideas and insights. she also said that 3 hours is too long of a nap. and clay takes 3 hour plus naps (me too), and i love it! why does it have to be bad damn it!!!! i sort of figured it was, especially since he usually doesn't get up til 5, and then i wake him up. so how is he going to be tired and go to bed at 9?!

also, their child was still in a highchair, which i guess is a big no-no, which we are guilty of as well. and the same reason, it is mostly for US, not clay. it is just so much easier to contain him! another bad habit that we have is that we eat in the tv room. so its not like i can get a booster seat and sit him in it. i know we should change our habits, but we don't eat together anyways...yes, another habit that should be changed. but damn! half the time the only way i can cook supper is when he is contained in his highchair leaving me alone!

i swear, yes, i promise that when we move, everything....well most everything is going to change!! we will start eating at the table, and all together. i am even going to attempt the toddler bed (after we have settled in there). the whole set up of the house (the one i still think of as the one we are getting) will just be so much easier for everything.

nanny joe had a good schedule for those people, but she also had them getting up at 6am! 6 fucking AM.....who does that?!?!?! yes i know alot of you.....normal people do, but oh my god!!! i can't even tell you the last time i was up at 6am, for the day!!!! not even in high school!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but i know i have a lot to change. and most of it isn't even really clay. it is myself. i realize this, and i will do it. if i never do another thing i say i am going to do, i will do this....it isn't for myself, it is for clay. and i will do ANYTHING i can for him. i think we will be much happier and better off.

i just want to hurry! i am sooooooooooooooooo in need for change. i think it will totally help my mood and outlook on everything. even if we are in debt for a while, i think it will lift my spirits and also motivate me to do more in my life and in clay's. so i want to hurry and get the hell out of here!!!!! i cannot belive that it is going to be march next week! didn't i say i wanted my house up by the first of the month?!?!

i think that i may start doing stuff around here, but still go ahead and list it. just to get people in, get me off my butt to do stuff. hopefully someone will see it and fall in love with it like i did. even if it isn't all complete, i will make sure they know all that is to be done. i know it is best to have it all done, but i just want to get the ball moving. hell noone may even want to look at it for a while, i just want it listed and get something started. especially since there are a few other houses around me for sale. if they see mine compared to theirs, they surely will like mine better :)

i also want to get things moving cause i want an appraiser to come in and tell me what he thinks. bob thinks i am crazy for what i want to list the house for. i don't see why?! i want to get at least $90,000. so i figured we could list if for $97,900 to $90,900. just to see what people would offer us. he thinks i am totally kidding myself. i hope not! i am totally looking forward to making $30,000 on the deal. hell i already have that money spent!!!!

HERE is a house that is like 2 houses down from me, for sale. they just came down in price from $92,000, i think. my house is better (i think) because i have about 600 more square feet, a full 2 story house, my living room is MUCH bigger, i have a dining room, and extra room off that, the master bedroom is bigger, i have an attached 2 car garage, and a corner lot. where thry do have me beat is that their backyard is they have a partially finished basement, their back yard is better looking, and a bit bigger (.16 to .11) and they have 2 bathrooms, to my 1. but if they are asking $89,900 for theirs i don't think i am crazy wanting $90,000 for mine!!!!!

hell THIS house is down my side street (and not the good expensive way) and look what they want for theirs!!!!! again my house has more square footage, my rooms look nicer, but again they have an extra bathroom, finished basement and an attic.

one more, THIS one, also down mcgreggor (bad side) and look! $99,900!!!! and if you go down mcgreggor the other way, towards 11th st and lower, that is a better area and those are even going for more money! a few (2) streets to my west, look at THIS house (i LOVE it!!)

i can't wait for you all to see my house compared to these. just so you don't think that i am being biased. i am really not!

then again, it just all depends on what someone who is looking wants. maybe they want a small bungalow, not a big 2 story. maybe they rather be down the side street, rather than right on the main road like mine. who knows!!


well it is almost 3am now, i need to get to sleep!! good night.

~2-21-05~ Hey, hey, hey

well the tax thing didn't goes as bad as i thought!!!!! we were actually supposed to get money back!!!!!

yes it pisses me off that we won't get that money, that it will go right back to uncle sam, but the good thing is that a MAJOR chunk of what bob owes in back taxes is now paid by our return this year. so yeah! granted i don't know how much has been tacked on for late fees, penalties, and interest, but i am just happy that it is mostly paid now, and if we make a payment plan, it should be paid by next year, and THEN WE WILL ACTUALLY BE ABLE TO KEEP OUR RETURN!!!! woo-hoo!!!! plus we will get a good tax break or whatever happens good for taxes when you sell your house. so next year should be good.

i think it really helped out that i haven't had much business this year. i know last year we jumped to a higher tax bracket and had to pay! sucked. this year was much nicer. we should be getting about $600 from the state, so at least we are getting something.

the bad thing. i was in that man's office forever!!!!! my appt was at 2:30. i swear i didn't get out til almost 4!!!! he couldn't get the stuff to print or something. i kept hearing that dreaded windows error twang, then he would shut the whole computer down and so on and so on and so on and so on..........finally he said he would have to wait til so and so, came back she knew how to fix it. so nothing was actually filed yet today. my mom has an appt. tomorrow, so she is going to pick it all up for me then.


i cleaned off my dining room table! how in the world it gets stacked with so much shit it is beyond me!!!! actally i cleared half of it off, well 2/3 of it. some stuff i don't even know where it is supposed to go, so i have to find a home for it. but at least it looks half way decent now. same with the kitchen table and counter tops. i did some good today. too bad in a few days it will be back to the same mess!!! don't even get me started on all that!


it is supposed to be nice tomorrow, well in the 40's, so i am hoping that they will come and finish my damn house, siding at least. like usual, i am not holding my breath.


well i am off to bed. maybe i'll actually get in there and be asleep before 1am...ya think?!?!?!? ha! nite!

~2-20-05~ Tax Time

well, i am getting my stuff ready to go get my taxes done at 2:30 today. fun, fun!!

thank goodness i was actually a bit prepared and didn't have to do a bunch of last minute digging, searching, and adding. i had pretty much everything done and TOGETHER in ONE spot. all i have to do is grab my envelope and go! yeah me! hopefully my whole life will be organized like that soon!

now i just have to get clay down for his nap, and i am off. i guess i could just have bob do it, but i like to be the one to put him down. i know, i need help!! he really needs to get used to other people putting him down for naps and for nigh time. but i like doing it! i think of it as our special time. even though i am with him almost every other second of his awakeness. like i said before, i don't know what i am going to do when it is time for him to go to school!!


we didn't get to go look at houses yesterday!!! jerry, the realtor, was sick an dhe didn't want to get KYLE sick. i have told him a thousand times his name is CLAY!!!! well i didn't really tell him, we don't ever correct the man when he says it. it is sort of cute and funny. but i just talked to him the other day and said i took CLAY, yes i emphasized it, to the park. so i will always say CLAY like 100 times when i talk to him......next time we see him, he is always asking about KYLE!!! we sort of feel dumb correcting him now, i mean he has been doing it for like a month now, so.......no biggie! kyle was actually a name that bob did pick out for clay, but i didn't like it. funny!


can you believe i made it out of walmart yesterday only spending $70!!! that is like a miracle people!!!!! but we didn't even have that to spend really, i had to break out the credit card...i hate that!!!! i am so hoping for some money back from the state so i can catch us back up and get us back on track!

so fingers crossed for the tax guy!!!!! i'm outta here, hopefully i'll be in a good mood when i get home. wish me luck!

~2-18-05~ Weekend

the weekend is finally here....to bad the weather is sucky!! i hate winter! or should i say cold.

i hope you all have a nice weekend. we are supposed to go look at houses saturday or sunday. i'm not sure, the guy never called me to let me know. hopefully it is saturday, i have to get our taxes done sunday, and that is long and stressful!!

speaking of which i have to get all my receipts together and totaled. FUN, FUN!!!

i probably won't get that done til sunday right before my appointment.....you know me, wait til the last minute. sigh!

i just PRAY we don't owe. we are already paying off back taxes, so whatever we get from federal goes right back to them, which totally sucks!!!!! but hopefully we will be able to keep the state. at least give us some extra money. fingers crossed!!

hope you all have a pleasant weekend! enjoy.

~2-17-05~ added

might i add that since i spent all this time on the phone today i did NOT get my nap!!! so that just pisses me off even more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~2-17-05~ One pissed bitch!!

i am pissed beyond belief right now!!!!

remember when i wrote that the birth control that i am on and lOVE should be covered by insurance since i have a medical condition that it treats........well none of my so called insurance is helping me out!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i called the prescription place that handles that, and they said my doctor had to call in to verify it and get it appoved, well they called me back and said they got the run around and couldn't get it approved. so i called to aruge with these people, and they said since it is for a medical condition i should call my medical provider, they should cover it. well my medical provider, aultcare, says that my plan will not cover it. WHAT THE FUCK PEOPLE?!?!?!

so if i was on some other form of birth control, for birth control it would be ok, but the birth control i am on, WHICH KEEPS ME FROM BLEEDING EXCESSIVLY, will not be covered. i'm sorry but i do not understand!!!!!

so now what?!?! do i even have a fight?! i don't know what to do now. and $40 a month for this shit is EXPENSIVE!!!!!!

any one have ANY suggestions.....ANY ONE????????

~2-17-05~ FUCKING blogger!!!

***blogger was dicking me and not publishing my post. luckily i hurried and did the old copy and paste thing, hopefully it worked. here it is:

i don't feel well. i woke from my nap with the worsst headache i EVER had! i mean it hurt to have my eyes open! it was bad.

i just took some asprin around 11 and it finally went away, but now my tummy feels yucky!

i guess you could just chalk it up to my period, but i never get like that. i can hear my mom saying, you are getting older, your body changes. yeah well, hell! could be i guess. who knows?!


american idol sucked tonight! thank god that they finally picked who is going to sing, so i can actually see it! i'm so sick of watching these poor people so stressed out! god, just tell them yes or no and let them go. why torture them so much. all it does is get me all stressed out for them!!! damn!

lost is still a good show, but what the hell?! i just don't get it uet. and WHERE ARE THE MONSTERS?!?! are the monsters those polar bears?? the boars?? what the hell?! i don't think we are ever going to know. i mean every week you are left hanging, i can just imagine what the season finale is going to be like!!


i am soooooooooo into that house i have been going on and on about. i want it bad, which means that it will be gone soon. i just know it. we were talking about it tonight and i kept saying, "blah, blah, our room....." "blah, blah, clays room" like we own the house already. lord i know i am in for a BIG disappointment! i just know, that is how it goes. i'm trying to stay positive though. we aer going to look at it again saturday, i'm going to take my own pics. to post them for you all. the relist (above) has sucky pictures, maybe that is a good thing. if you check out the pictures again, the room with the pink carpet and fireplace (living room?), that is the room i want to make into the master bedroom.

it just has so much character. it is set up so nice, it doesn't look like every other house. i know i said it 1000 times, i LOVE the kitchen (not in the relist pics). i love the family room, the sun porch, and the set up of the finished basement. it is very different and so much potential for my decorating!!!!!! I WANT IT!!!!

i just need to get on shit around here. it is so hard. i just have so much stuff EVERYWHERE, it is hard to even know where to begin. then with clay running amuck, i can't get anything done with him awake and here. what i really need are some of those plastic storage things. i was just going to go for boxes, but i'd rather have plastic. just in case, i get that house. most of the storage is outside. i mean the shed and stuff are great, and they don't look like they get wet, but i'd feel better if my stuff were in plastic.

my mom ever so nicely reminded me, that since the mice were all in my christmas tree, they might have been in EVERY box i have down there. why did i not think of that?!?!?! so do i now have to go through EVERY box and check?! that sucks, FOR REAL!!!! i was thankful, that most of the stuff that will be stored, is already in boxes and stacked all neat in the basement, which means, right on the the moving truck. well not anymore. now i have to go through every damn one. god the horror!!!! i am already so NOT motivated, you think finding a house i want would motivate me but, NO) i hate any kind of moving, packing and deep cleaning. oh, and add painting to that list. i so dread painting, but i think it would be for the best. i want this place sold, and for the price i want. so i guess anything i can do to make that happen we should. that includes leaving all the appliances and even the washer and dryer. i was planning on getting the ones i wrote about in depth in earlier posts anyways, so these people can have the ones here.


ok, trying to get off the house stuff. i'll talk about clay. he is so bad. he is so into the hitting and kicking(mostly when he is playing with me, he is rough!). he thinks it is a game of funny. i know he does it when he is pissed, but if you tell him to stop he does it more!!!! tonight we started (right or wrong i have no clue) to act like i was hurt and crying when he did it. he sort of stopped, and when bob would come over to "comfort" me, clay would sort of do the same thing. but that still didn't stop him from a few minutes later doing the same thing. and the time out thing. that isn't working either.

he will just sit there all quiet and content, until it is time to get out. doesn't even phase him. i wish he would sit there screaming and crying, like it is punishment or something. not him. he just sits.

on to good things about him. he is so damn cute!!! i'm sorry, but he is!!! and so smart! if we right MOM he knows that is mama. if we write DAD, he knows it is "da" (dad), and if we write GEICO, he knows it is "giko". i've written before about his geico fasination, from almost birth! and he knows that CLAY is "cay". we also counted to 100 the other day. he usually leaves out the fist part, mostly just doing the 1-9 parts, but he will repeat what i say. he still skips 10. his 10 is "lala", which sort of sounds like 11, so he goes right from 9 to 11. he still says seven as "lala", also, so it is too cute when he says 17 as "lala-teen". 100 sounds almost like "oney", but he knows if you write 100 that is "oney" he points to all the lotto numbers when they are on the tv. we will ask him where so and so is, and he will get it right. he doesn't say them, but when we ask he knows what we are talking about. the kid just loves his letters and numbers!!!! now if he would just say some more WORDS already!!!!


well i still don't feel well, so i am off to bed! good night everyone.

~2-17-05~ BLAH!

i don't feel well. i woke from my nap with the worsst headache i EVER had! i mean it hurt to have my eyes open! it was bad.

i just took some asprin around 11 and it finally went away, but now my tummy feels yucky!

i guess you could just chalk it up to my period, but i never get like that. i can hear my mom saying, you are getting older, your body changes. yeah well, hell! could be i guess. who knows?!


american idol sucked tonight! thank god that they finally picked who is going to sing, so i can actually see it! i'm so sick of watching these poor people so stressed out! god, just tell them yes or no and let them go. why torture them so much. all it does is get me all stressed out for them!!! damn!

lost is still a good show, but what the hell?! i just don't get it uet. and WHERE ARE THE MONSTERS?!?! are the monsters those polar bears?? the boars?? what the hell?! i don't think we are ever going to know. i mean every week you are left hanging, i can just imagine what the season finale is going to be like!!


i am soooooooooo into that house i have been going on and on about. i want it bad, which means that it will be gone soon. i just know it. we were talking about it tonight and i kept saying, "blah, blah, our room....." "blah, blah, clays room" like we own the house already. lord i know i am in for a BIG disappointment! i just know, that is how it goes. i'm trying to stay positive though. we aer going to look at it again saturday, i'm going to take my own pics. to post them for you all. the relist (above) has sucky pictures, maybe that is a good thing. if you check out the pictures again, the room with the pink carpet and fireplace (living room?), that is the room i want to make into the master bedroom.

it just has so much character. it is set up so nice, it doesn't look like every other house. i know i said it 1000 times, i LOVE the kitchen (not in the relist pics). i love the family room, the sun porch, and the set up of the finished basement. it is very different and so much potential for my decorating!!!!!! I WANT IT!!!!

i just need to get on shit around here. it is so hard. i just have so much stuff EVERYWHERE, it is hard to even know where to begin. then with clay running amuck, i can't get anything done with him awake and here. what i really need are some of those plastic storage things. i was just going to go for boxes, but i'd rather have plastic. just in case, i get that house. most of the storage is outside. i mean the shed and stuff are great, and they don't look like they get wet, but i'd feel better if my stuff were in plastic.

my mom ever so nicely reminded me, that since the mice were all in my christmas tree, they might have been in EVERY box i have down there. why did i not think of that?!?!?! so do i now have to go through EVERY box and check?! that sucks, FOR REAL!!!! i was thankful, that most of the stuff that will be stored, is already in boxes and stacked all neat in the basement, which means, right on the the moving truck. well not anymore. now i have to go through every damn one. god the horror!!!! i am already so NOT motivated, you think finding a house i want would motivate me but, NO) i hate any kind of moving, packing and deep cleaning. oh, and add painting to that list. i so dread painting, but i think it would be for the best. i want this place sold, and for the price i want. so i guess anything i can do to make that happen we should. that includes leaving all the appliances and even the washer and dryer. i was planning on getting the ones i wrote about in depth in earlier posts anyways, so these people can have the ones here.


ok, trying to get off the house stuff. i'll talk about clay. he is so bad. he is so into the hitting and kicking(mostly when he is playing with me, he is rough!). he thinks it is a game of funny. i know he does it when he is pissed, but if you tell him to stop he does it more!!!! tonight we started (right or wrong i have no clue) to act like i was hurt and crying when he did it. he sort of stopped, and when bob would come over to "comfort" me, clay would sort of do the same thing. but that still didn't stop him from a few minutes later doing the same thing. and the time out thing. that isn't working either.

he will just sit there all quiet and content, until it is time to get out. doesn't even phase him. i wish he would sit there screaming and crying, like it is punishment or something. not him. he just sits.

on to good things about him. he is so damn cute!!! i'm sorry, but he is!!! and so smart! if we right MOM he knows that is mama. if we write DAD, he knows it is "da" (dad), and if we write GEICO, he knows it is "giko". i've written before about his geico fasination, from almost birth! and he knows that CLAY is "cay". we also counted to 100 the other day. he usually leaves out the fist part, mostly just doing the 1-9 parts, but he will repeat what i say. he still skips 10. his 10 is "lala", which sort of sounds like 11, so he goes right from 9 to 11. he still says seven as "lala", also, so it is too cute when he says 17 as "lala-teen". 100 sounds almost like "oney", but he knows if you write 100 that is "oney" he points to all the lotto numbers when they are on the tv. we will ask him where so and so is, and he will get it right. he doesn't say them, but when we ask he knows what we are talking about. the kid just loves his letters and numbers!!!! now if he would just say some more WORDS already!!!!


well i still don't feel well, so i am off to bed! good night everyone.

~2-17-05~ BLAH!

i don't feel well. i woke from my nap with the worsst headache i EVER had! i mean it hurt to have my eyes open! it was bad.

i just took some asprin around 11 and it finally went away, but now my tummy feels yucky!

i guess you could just chalk it up to my period, but i never get like that. i can hear my mom saying, you are getting older, your body changes. yeah well, hell! could be i guess. who knows?!


american idol sucked tonight! thank god that they finally picked who is going to sing, so i can actually see it! i'm so sick of watching these poor people so stressed out! god, just tell them yes or no and let them go. why torture them so much. all it does is get me all stressed out for them!!! damn!

lost is still a good show, but what the hell?! i just don't get it uet. and WHERE ARE THE MONSTERS?!?! are the monsters those polar bears?? the boars?? what the hell?! i don't think we are ever going to know. i mean every week you are left hanging, i can just imagine what the season finale is going to be like!!


i am soooooooooo into that house i have been going on and on about. i want it bad, which means that it will be gone soon. i just know it. we were talking about it tonight and i kept saying, "blah, blah, our room....." "blah, blah, clays room" like we own the house already. lord i know i am in for a BIG disappointment! i just know, that is how it goes. i'm trying to stay positive though. we aer going to look at it again saturday, i'm going to take my own pics. to post them for you all. the relist (above) has sucky pictures, maybe that is a good thing. if you check out the pictures again, the room with the pink carpet and fireplace (living room?), that is the room i want to make into the master bedroom.

it just has so much character. it is set up so nice, it doesn't look like every other house. i know i said it 1000 times, i LOVE the kitchen (not in the relist pics). i love the family room, the sun porch, and the set up of the finished basement. it is very different and so much potential for my decorating!!!!!! I WANT IT!!!!

i just need to get on shit around here. it is so hard. i just have so much stuff EVERYWHERE, it is hard to even know where to begin. then with clay running amuck, i can't get anything done with him awake and here. what i really need are some of those plastic storage things. i was just going to go for boxes, but i'd rather have plastic. just in case, i get that house. most of the storage is outside. i mean the shed and stuff are great, and they don't look like they get wet, but i'd feel better if my stuff were in plastic.

my mom ever so nicely reminded me, that since the mice were all in my christmas tree, they might have been in EVERY box i have down there. why did i not think of that?!?!?! so do i now have to go through EVERY box and check?! that sucks, FOR REAL!!!! i was thankful, that most of the stuff that will be stored, is already in boxes and stacked all neat in the basement, which means, right on the the moving truck. well not anymore. now i have to go through every damn one. god the horror!!!! i am already so NOT motivated, you think finding a house i want would motivate me but, NO) i hate any kind of moving, packing and deep cleaning. oh, and add painting to that list. i so dread painting, but i think it would be for the best. i want this place sold, and for the price i want. so i guess anything i can do to make that happen we should. that includes leaving all the appliances and even the washer and dryer. i was planning on getting the ones i wrote about in depth in earlier posts anyways, so these people can have the ones here.


ok, trying to get off the house stuff. i'll talk about clay. he is so bad. he is so into the hitting and kicking(mostly when he is playing with me, he is rough!). he thinks it is a game of funny. i know he does it when he is pissed, but if you tell him to stop he does it more!!!! tonight we started (right or wrong i have no clue) to act like i was hurt and crying when he did it. he sort of stopped, and when bob would come over to "comfort" me, clay would sort of do the same thing. but that still didn't stop him from a few minutes later doing the same thing. and the time out thing. that isn't working either.

he will just sit there all quiet and content, until it is time to get out. doesn't even phase him. i wish he would sit there screaming and crying, like it is punishment or something. not him. he just sits.

on to good things about him. he is so damn cute!!! i'm sorry, but he is!!! and so smart! if we right MOM he knows that is mama. if we write DAD, he knows it is "da" (dad), and if we write GEICO, he knows it is "giko". i've written before about his geico fasination, from almost birth! and he knows that CLAY is "cay". we also counted to 100 the other day. he usually leaves out the fist part, mostly just doing the 1-9 parts, but he will repeat what i say. he still skips 10. his 10 is "lala", which sort of sounds like 11, so he goes right from 9 to 11. he still says seven as "lala", also, so it is too cute when he says 17 as "lala-teen". 100 sounds almost like "oney", but he knows if you write 100 that is "oney" he points to all the lotto numbers when they are on the tv. we will ask him where so and so is, and he will get it right. he doesn't say them, but when we ask he knows what we are talking about. the kid just loves his letters and numbers!!!! now if he would just say some more WORDS already!!!!


well i still don't feel well, so i am off to bed! good night everyone.

~2-16-05~ Snow

it is snowing.....blah!

yesterday was so nice!!! i think it actually got up to 60 degrees!!

they did come and work on the house yesterday, since i knew there was to be no napping, we went to the park.

OMG!!! don't pass out or anything! yes, i actually went outside and took my son somewhere.....amazing, huh?!

we had so much fun...well he did, and i enjoy watching him be so cute, so we both had a plesant time. he played on this slide thing mostly. i just kind of ran around the thing a million times to make sure he was sitting down, or to get him off. the spiral slide is a LONG ways from the ground at the bottom, so i have to lift him off. everytime i touch him SNAP!!, that fucker (the slide), generates a lot of electricity. so it was sort of funny watching all the parents get shocked when they got their kid. kept all and i mean ALL i had, not to cuss around the other children, that shit was a big shock and HURT!!

he did good and didn't chase the geese around. i couldn't believe he listened to me on that one. they walk home was kind of rough. i know he didn't want to go, but this kid is the most pissing around boy, aside from his father! he walked sooooooooo slow, and had to touch and look at, about every rock, every stick, EVERYTHING!! it is sort of a jaunt there, and he was making the trip home, so much longer! i finally had to semi-run on the trck, to get him running. that made things go a bit faster, but tired my shit out! remember i didn't get a nap either!!

it was a great time. i enjoyed it. i kicked myself several hundred times for not ever doing that during the summer, but it is damn hot in the summer, that walk might be the end of me! ha!



so my house is all done now, except the spouting, the garage door, and the rest of my enterance/porch. woo-hoo! and it looks as if it is going to be cold as shit for another week. so i'm sure that means even longer i have to wait for completion!


oh, that house is NOT sold. their current contract expired, and they relisted it. NO drop in price though! so i still have hope that it may be there, when we can finally make a decision and act on it. fingers crossed for now.


i finally watched fear factor, and the couple that i wanted to win, won. good for them. they just jam in those stunts man. they may be the best couple, or individuals (him really) that i've ever seen on the show. they kicked butt!!

ijust want american idol to start already!!! i'm tired of seeing snippets of shit! get on with the damn show!

that asshole from the amazing race, that i would always bitch about, was on dr. phil's special last night. i didn't get to watch it yet though.

i think that may be it for now......catch ya'll later!

~2-15-05~ DAMN, DAMN, DAMN

welli did good i was in bed last night by 1:30am. BUT couldn't fall asleep, i was again decorating and rearranging furniture in a house that i DON'T even have yet!!!!

so i looked at the clock and it was after 2:30! so i got up to smoke a cigarette. i happened to pop on to look at the houses, well now MY house is coming up sold or taken off the market!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

now the fucking thing has been up since august. it couldn't wait to sell just a few more months til i sell mine?!?!?! i don't know if it is sold or not, i'll have to get a hold of my realtor, for him to find out what's up. figures!

and YES, i knew getting into this and looking so early, that it was a HIGH probability that i would find something i really liked only to miss out on it, since we still have a ways to go to get to that point.

well, if it is gone, it just wasn't meant to be! it means there will be an even BETTER house out there when we are finally ready!



in other house news. today is the last day of our nice weather (50 degrees), so hopefully they will be here finishing up the siding, and possibly the front enterance. the spouting and garage door are other people, so who knows when that is finally going to happen. yeah, back to those nasty 30's the rest of the week. i hate winter!!!!


well, cigarette is done......bacon is calling!!

~2-15-05~ Happy late Valentine's Day

hope you all had a good one, if you celebrate it.

bob and i went to dinner. good ole' golden corral. god i just love that place! yes we could have went somewhere nice, but damn, last time we went to longhorn, we spent about $80!!!! and when we went to lolli's, we had a $25 gift cert. and still spent over $30!!!! sorry, but that is just ridiculous. even if it is for special occasions, or every now and then. i like spending $20 and being able to eat until i have to unbutton my pants!!! and steak even!!!! no, it isn't a nice big porterhouse, but it tastes just fine and is much cheaper.

so we had a good time, even though it was PACKED!!! and one of the reasons i like going minus clay is so we can sit in the smoking section, but since that only consists of about 2 tables, we COULD NOT sit in smoking, cause it was full! god that pisses my shit off!! but we had a nice night.



we had to go to bj's first, when we went saturday, i got the WRONG size diapers. how in the hell did i do that. my mind totally went blank as we were staring at them, trying to remember what size we get. i mean come on, clay couldn't possibly wear a size 5!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! could he?!?! don't diapers only go to size 6?!?! size 5!!! he is still a baby damn it!!!! size 5!!!! well, i screwed up and got size 4. i guess i am still in denial about how big he is getting and how quickly he is doing it. don't even get me started, or i will go into tears!!!! lord, what am i going to do when they grow up and leave me?!?!?! i am going to be one of those women who go insane when that happens. or get deeply depressed. and YES i know that is quite a ways away, but trust me, i have already had those thoughts and brought myself to tears! i told ya'll i was crazy and how my mind works about shit! i really don't know how i have made it this far with no ulcer's or not heavily medicated for depression!!



i didn't go into detail about the houses we saw this weekend, cause they really weren't anything. i think we are just stuck on the 2 that we really like. something is going to have to be REAL special to get us off of those 2. noone was here working today, it was pouring rain. like i said before, that is usually what it does now when the weather is actually warm enough to work in!!!!!



i forgot to turn in my damn picks for the bachelorette tonight damn it!! and i would have been right!!! even though i must say, while watching the show, i thought she was going to get rid of jerry. and to be honest i wish she would have. granted she sees the guys and spends more time with them than what we see, so i'm sure she knows more, but i have to say i would have got rid of jerry tonight. i mean it would have killed me, cause he is just so fucking hot!!! but he just didn't seem as open and "wanting" as the other 2. my heart just broke for ryan. what a sweet guy! well i guess we will see.



i did laundry tonight. which is both a good thing and a sickening thing. i did some winter clothes that i desperately need (now that winter is almost over), and i was going to do some more, but then i go in my room and i see the HUGE piles of clothes sitting there, that need put away and i have NO WHERE TO PUT THEM!!!! i seriously have to take pictures of my closets to show you all, i have no closet space. granted i don't need all the clothes i have, but i do, and nowhere to put them, that is why i don't do much laundry. that is one of my main requirements of a house, funny cause i think the one we are leaning towards the most....for our room i would have to convert the living room into a bedroom, it only has 2 bedrooms. well 3, but one is in the basement level, and i don't want my kids that far away from me. anyways, i would have to convert this room which means there is NO closet in there. i have a wardrobe thing down in my dining room, that i use as a pantry. i thought i could buy about 4 of those and place them all along one wall, and have a whole closet thing going on there, and that would be perfect. plus the other 2 bedroom have pretty good size closets, so i can just mooch those til the kids get old enough to need them themselves. see, i have plans already for a house i don't even have. *note, the other house that is my fave. has 2 huge walk in closets in the master bedroom, that is why it has another + from me.



oh well........not much more exciting stuff. no more critters falling from the ceiling. that still puzzles me. everytime i go in the kitchen i look up there to see where the hell that mouse could have dropped from.


i'm off to go read some blogs. good night-sleep tight!

~2-14-05~ Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit! Hollaz to the East Side!

look at my blog, gizoogled: check this out!

too funny! i'll be doing everyones page now!!!!! something else to get addicted to! haha!!!!

~2-14-05~ Weekend update

well believe it or not, they were back working on my house AGAIN TODAY!!!!! on sunday!!!!

i was sort of happy. sort of not, bob actually, somewhat, let me sleep in today. which would have been great if i could have slept through the banging!! i would doze on and off, but no straight sleeping.

then i was supposed to go to a birthday party today (well clay was), but there were guys working on my front door, and even though they work for my cousin, i don't know them, so i wasn't going to leave them there by themselves in my empty house. so that disappointed me. i was looking forward to clay actually getting to be around and play with other kids, especially BOYS!!!!! he has never got to do that!! so i was really looking forward to that. to do that i was even going to let him miss his nap. but since i knew we weren't going to get to go, i put him down for a nap. and it figures, like right after he fell asleep (i am telling you, when they are hear making noise, that child goes right to sleep!!!!) they left.....for good!!!!! i was like what the hell?!?!?! i still have a whole side left to do, and they left?! so i could have went to the damn party!!!!!! but, there was NO way i could wake him up, just as he fell asleep, and he desperately needed the nap! also during that time my nail girl called. she said she got off around 3:30 and she could come to my house to do my nails if that was ok. YES!!!! that is great!!!

so no party for us. but i did get my house ALMOST all done, and i got my nails done! i still wish i could have took clay, so he could have got out to do something fun.


so we really need to get going on the inside of this house. figures when we have NO extra money right now. i'm still trying to catch up from a shortage a few pays ago. thankfully i am getting my taxes done next sunday, so hopefully, HOPEFULLY, we will get some money back to put towards the house. but i would still like to have it up around the beginning of march.



movies this weekend. first we watched mr. 3000. bernie mack is just so damn funny! it was an ok movie. last night we watched little black book. i liked it. bob even enjoyed it, even though he bitched about getting it and having to watch it. as he said, it was one of the better movies we have got lately!! and yes i only had 2 movies!!!!!!!! even though cellular was mailed out on the 8th, and i was supposed to get it by the 10th, it never came. meanwhile little black book was mailed out on the 9th, and i got it on the 11th. where the hell is cellular?!?!


well i need to get to sleep. even though clay seems to sleep better when they are here working. if they do show tomorrow, the only side of the house left is the side where his room is, so i highly doubt he will be able to sleep through that, so if he doesn't take a nap.....AAAGGGHHHHH!!!!! plus bob and i are going out to dinner tomorrow for valentine's, so i need to get my beauty sleep! ha! i actually just need to get some sleep, so i have the energy to make myself pretty and actually leave the house! so i am off to bed. night!

~2-12-05~ BANG, BANG

YES!!! believe it or not, they are actually here working on my house!!!!!

on the weekend!!!!!!



somewhat funny story......i walked in the kitchen this morning, and somehow, falling from the ceiling by the stove, was my mouse friend. i really have no clue as to where he came from or what he fell from, but i knew he was trapped on the drain board, there was nowhere for him to go. so i chased him around, and he slipped in the sink, and i was able to get him in a cup and bowl. i rushed upstairs to wake bob to see what i should do.

he siad to throw him outside. well i had like no clothes on, how was i supposed to do that?! i put him in this little trash can we had in the bedroom, in about 2 seconds, that little fucker jumped clear out!!!!! in my bedroom!!!

he was trapped in the corner under a night stand, so we rigged up so hoopy trap for him to try to catch him.....didn't work, then we lost him!!!!!!!!!!!

so now he is lost in my room! he probably went down the heater vent, or somewhere, who knows. oh the joys here!!!!

he is so flippin cute though!!!!!!!!! guess that answers my question if they are still here. i do not see ANY mouse poop anywhere. there is nothing in any of my cupboards chewed up. oh well. bob is pissed, so we may have to go get some REAL traps now. the "no kill" ones we got are all empty.

oh well. i need a shower, we are going to look at more houses today. have a good one!

~2-11-05~ I hate bills!

just got done paying bills. fun, fun!!!!

well i don't know if that guy ever showed up today. i ended up taking a nap when clay did. you think he would have called though! he was weird. i don't think i am going to pay another $65 to get the thing fixed though. if it keeps burning up some wire in the breaker box (i don't know why), but i'm not paying every few weeks to get it fixed. i just ran an extension cord and plugged it in that way. i'll just get it fixed once we put the house up for sale.

i have a ton other stuff to spend money (that i don't have) on right now, that is NOT one of them.



thankfully my car started today after bob hooked it up to the battery charger. i was real pissed when i thought i was going to have to spend $100+ for a new battery. hopefully it will start again in the morning.



i did up some chicken in the crock pot after i posted earlier. when i went to get my nails done around 4:30 i checked it, and thought, i wonder why it still looks raw. well here, i turned on the crock pot, BUT FORGOT TO PLUG THE DAMN THING IN!!!!

i was so pissed!!!! so i figured we'd just have to order some delivery! i went to get my nails done. walk in the place and the owner was like, "didn't jennifer call you" i was like "no". she then said, "oh she isn't here" then i thought to myself, well if she had called me why the fuck would i still be there?!?!? so i asked what her schedule was for the weekend, so i could reschedule. she proceeded to tell me that SHE QUIT!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!! I NEED MY NAILS DONE NOW!!!!! normally it wouldn't be bad, i usually go like a month without getting them filled, but it just so happens that 2 of them are broke!!!!

so i am fucking pissed! i don't much care for how the girl did them, but 1. it was right up the road from my house, 2. they took appointments, and mostly 3. they took checks!!!!! i am trying to be DONE using my credit cards anymore. so i am real mad!
yes, i could go to the foreign people, but it is the damn weekend, that place is NUTS on the weekend, and like i just stated i want an appointment and they DON'T take appointments on the weekend. i am not about to sit there and wait for at least an hour to get my damn nails done! i guess i will just have to wait til next week, and maybe hit the asian's. oh add a number 4 to the above list, she was CHEAP!!!!



anything else piss me off today? surprisingly i don't think so. it was cold, so i can't really bitch about them not being here to work on my house. i just know it is supposed to be nice this weekend, so you'd think they'd be here working. WOULDN'T YOU THINK???? i'm not going to hold my breath on that one though.



well i am off to bed. just so i can lay there and think about that house we liked, and where i would put all my stuff and how i would decorate each room. yes people, i am that pathetic, that stuff runs through my mind while i am trying to sleep!!!! knowing that the house will probably be sold by the time we get to do anything. the realtor called today and said they would accept a contingency, but i don't want to do that. our luck, by the time our house sold, i would find a house i like better than that one, but would be stuck to a damn contract!

oh well........good night!

~2-10-05~ AGAIN?!?!

my fridge. downstairs ISN'T working AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i called that goofy guy that fixed it last time, he is supposed to be out later. i am getting sooooooooooo frustrated!!!! i can't wait to get out of this house (yes, i know, on with ITS new set of problems)

i don't know what the fuck! bob noticed the other day, the garlic bread wasn't really frozen, but everything else was. why did we not check further?!?!?!?!?!?! so now it looks like i am going to have a cooking fest again. this time, what i don't cook, i am just throwing out. as a matter of fact, i am going to put everything in the upstairs freezer that i don't care about down in that bitch and just keep all my meat in the upstairs freezer!

AAAGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~2-9-05~ Well

well the subject that i thought would come up sooner or later with my grandfather just did.

he just brought up the fact that clay is not baptized, and if i am going to raise him catholic. i was like, here we go. i know my whole family is catholic, but i'm not even sure what i am.

i have my own beliefs. i don't think i go straight down any religious lines. i don't go to church, but i do say my prayers every night and i thank god daily for what i have been given.

i don't really think i need to go to a church for that. half of what i hear, or what i am "told" i will probably disagree with.

so i asked grandpa, "so, do you really think that if something happened right now to clay that he wouldn't go to heaven because he wasn't baptized?" he couldn't answer me! he said he just knows and believes what he has been taught through the church. well that is what the church says, so, "do you believe that??" and he still said he didn't know.

i'm not going to get into a big debate here about religion(s). i am not knocking anyones beiefs. i'm just saying that i have my own beliefs that i believe are just as good as anyone elses, and just because i don't go to church or have a specific religion, i'm bad or wrong. i just don't believe in the whole "church" thing. FOR ME. if it works for you, that is great! if clay grows up and he wants to go, good for him, fine with me. i just hope that i can teach him enough so that he can make his own decions and have his own beliefs.

hell, i was never confirmed, which i don't know how that passed by my grandpa or my mom. i can't even tell you the last time i was in a church, other than for funerals or weddings. and i don't think i am a heathen or a bad person. i think i turned out just fine, because of the values and beliefs that my mother has taught me. dad really wasn't a church person either. neither was my grandma, which is weird since my grandpa is. to each their own i guess.

i know what it is to be a good hearted person. and i do believe i am going to go to heaven, if i ever go to church again or not.

~2-8-05~ SNIFF-SNIFF

thanks to my wonderful husband, who gave me benedryl and some nose spray, i can now breathe through my nose! i woke up saturday with a sore throat, and it went to my nose, clogged up and stayed that way. it was awful!!

i don't know why i didn't think of the medicine. i just don't get into swallowing pills!!! i hate it. i'd rather complain about aches and pains all night, rather than get up and swallow a pill. i'm just dumb like that.

well, now i can breathe, but my nose hurts. i don't know if it is from the spray or from blowing it so much. i even actually hooked the humidifier up in clay's room and the vaporizer in my room. i need some damn moisture in this house!!



clay took a good nap today. even through the banging. like usual, they left around 3. must be nice to work from 11:30-3. look who is talking, i don't work at all. YES I DO!!! i work from the time clay gets up til the time he goes to sleep. even after he goes to sleep, cause then i have to clean up the damn house!



know what i hate about fear factor?! i think that they should NOT tell you if noone is going to get eliminated in a certain round. that way everyone would try their hardest to do the damn stunt!!! cause if that was me, and i heard no elimination, i sure as hell would not be eating any nasty shit. i wouldn't be eating any nasty shit anyways, that is why i would not be on that show. but for all the other crazies out there. they should think they may be booted so do the damn stunt.

that was some gross shit they ate tonight. and for a 2 week vacation. who in the hell can take off 2 weeks from work?!?! and they better give you a damn lot of spending money for 2 weeks!

oh well, i like the blondes, i am glad they moved on. i really don't even like them that much, i just totally hated those people that were asses, so i know they will be pissed if they win. yeah, i am mean like that. i was sad that the black couple got booted tonight, i did like them.



i actually picked the right guy to be sent home on the bachelorette tonight. can i just say, how hot is jerry!!! i mean, oh my god!!!!! it takes all i have to not repeat that every 2 minutes, since my husband is sitting right there. but damn, THAT GUY IS SOOOOOOOOOO HOT!!!!!!


once again that nanny show, just made me more terrified for my child to get older. i can totally see him being like that one little brat on there tonight! he is already doing the whole kicking and hitting thing. and his newest thing. he will shreik "NO" at the top of his lungs, and even drag it out NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! so not only does he say no about every 10 seconds, he screams it. i just want to shove a damn bar of soap in there when he does that!!!! as of now, "no" is officially my least favorite word ever!!!!!!!

he did that in the store the other day. bob and i were at a total loss, cause we used to have a happy, gentle, great acting, angel. not any longer!!!! he would not sit in the damn cart. and of course used the big ole' NO when we tried to make him. thankfully we were only going in and out, cause i could not handle all that.

but he is still cute! even though he gets on my last nerve very often these days. but like i said, i don't think it is his fault totally. we are stuck in this damn house. he needs to run a couple laps around a track or something to release all his energy! i just did a yahoo search for places for toddlers to play. the only things to come up were chuckie cheese and damn mcdonald's. not that i believe any of those damn emails things, i just get a little leary about the mcdonald's ones. and chucky cheese. i don't know. i just envision a mass of children all running and not paying attention, and my poor kid in the middle not knowing what the hell to do. he isn't around kids much (at all). and when he is, he sure doesn't share (i know that is somewhat normal at this age). and at christmas when that kid pushed my child, i was about to do bodily harm to him....and he was blood, i don't know about a straner kid.

oh why can't it just be nice out, so we can go play in the back yard, or to the park?!?! i hate winter. and i hate my house. i cannot wait to have more room! or at least be able to let my child run around in the yard, without the fear of the busy road feet from us. my back yard is fenced in, but doesn't get much sun, so now it is a bunch of snow/slush/mud (not to mention, ladders, siding bits, insulation bits, and other various tools and objects not for kids, right now). the front is nice and clear, but no fence. and clay knows NO boundries. so he just wants to run down through the neighbor's yards, or towards the street. so we don't do the front yard!



how does it get so late so fast?! my eyes are burning like hell, i need to get to sleep. do you know.....it has been about at least 6 months since my LASIK and sometimes at night i still go to take my glasses off. or if my eyes feel like they do now, i think i need to take my contacts out (i haven't worn contacts in i don't even know how long!) funny! i still have the starburst thing. and i don't think i can see too well at night/dark.

i think i was supposed to go back for a check in october, but missed that. i want to go now, but with bob working straight days, it is almost impossible. it is like an hour away. i do not want to drive myself. i hate the highway. so i have no way to get there. i'm sure my mom would take me if i asked her, but i cannot go an hour there and a damn hour back without smoking. for those of you who smoke, how long can you drive in a car without a cigarette?! and my mom is not patient or sympathetic about smoking. when we get there if i want to smoke real quick, she rushes me and i get about half a cigarette and i don't even enjoy it cause she is rushing me. the same if i try and smoke before we head home. so it isn't even worth it.



there i go again rambling. and i lit another cigarette!!! i need to get to sleep! our realtor set up 7 houses for tomorrow!!!!! 7!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and we aren't even starting til 5:30pm!! my poor mom is getting stuck with clay (and she has dinner plans, which means she has to take him....if you only knew what it was like eating with her and clay...oy!) i feel bad, but god knows when we are going to get home and if the houses aren't vacant, i cannot have my child running through someone's house ransacking it!!! i wouldn't even get to look at the damn houses!! so i am going to tell him tomorrow, to just set them up for the weekend from now on. i'm excited though. we are going to the ones i told you were my faves. plus a few others that i found that sounded nice.

oh well..........rambling again...........good night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~2-7-05~ Still banging

clay is actually asleep!! it didn't even take him long to get that way. i don't see how he sleeps through all this slam-banging, but i am not complaining!!

they are pretty much doing the front, so if they show tomorrow, they will probably get to his side of the house, so probably no nap that day.

i may break down and send you guys pictures of the house. i wanted to wait til it was all done, but i am not a patient person. i even try not to look at it when i am out, i want to see the whole finished deal, but i'm just too excited to wait. it looks so nice so far!



i am getting so frustrated at looking at houses, they aren't nearly as nice as mine, yet they are asking $180+ and i am going to be praying to get $90 for mine!!! i know, i know, LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION. it still sucks though.

bob and i were out looking saturday, with realtor, and all sunday ourselves. we found about 4 that we love.

they are:

*well i just got off the phone with the realtor, our favorite was just sold! guess it wasn't meant to be!! here it is, if it shows up.

our next 3 faves are:

#2
#3
#4

i have about 20 others that i want to look at as well.



well the movies this weekend SUCKED!!!!

the grudge, what the hell?!?!?! stupid, stupid, stupid!!!!

the forgotten, well if i had known aliens were involved, i wouldn't even have wanted to see it in the first place, so needless to say i was pissed!!! as bad as that damn stephen king one.

i still didn't get a 3rd movie (fucking blockbuster online SUCKS!!!) so we only had 2 to watch.

we seriously have to get a good movie to watch soon, or i am just going to go insane!



i am going to try and nap myself. i'll probably have more to say tonight.

~2-7-05~ BANG, BANG, BANG

yes!!!!

they are finally here working on my house!!!!

*sigh* no nap today i am afraid. i'm am NOT complaining though! once they are done, we can put our house up, and hopefully finally move into a nice quiet neighborhood that myself and clay can enjoy!

more on the houses later.....

~2-4-05~ Me again

i forgot to bitch that dr. phil screwed me yesterday!

they did NOT show the mistress of that on going story about the cheating husband. the wife got to see a picture of her, but not the public.

that sucked!!!! the whole show was a waste! i was pissed!!

~2-4-05~ Sounds...

i just thought i heard a ladder and i got excited! NOPE! must be all the other work that is getting done to OTHER houses, cause it ISN'T here!!!!

~2-4-05~ I have a sickness!!!!

ok, it is almost 3am AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!

yes i just got done printing out a TON of houses!

and NO, noone showed up to work on my hosue today.

bob did start doing some cleaning. it looks nice. it really isn't as much work as it looks. just stuff needs picked up and put where it belongs. it just looks like a bigger job than it is. the only real painting i think we are going to do inside, is basically around the baseboards and such where the paint is chipped.

i may paint the ceiling in the living room, we took down some track lighting and put up ceiling fans, and you can see where they were. so that won't be too bad.

one of the biggest problems are the carpets in the 2 bedrooms (that have carpet). it is TRASHED. i don't even know if scrubbing them will help. i know there are hardwood floors underneath, but i don't know the condition. the other 2 rooms we just have big carpets on the wood. i don't think they look in horrible condition. clay's room we painted them white. so i thought maybe we could lift up the carpet to see the condition and if it is ok, we could just buy some big carpets to put down. i really don't want to spend the $$ to have it carpted, what if the homeowner wants a different color. or maybe we can put an allowance in there for carpet.

as for the storage unit thing. i just don't know about that. i so dred thinking of loading and moving everything 4 times! to the truck, to the storage, back to truck, to new house. i may just say screw it and leave it there. isn't that what basements are for. for storing shit?!?! that way they can see how much stuff they can actually store down there! haha! plus my basement is pretty crappy, so the more covered the better. same with the garage, but we are going to try and do something to make that look better.

so really if we get our butts in gear and actually work, we can realistically have our house on the market after the end of the month. i'm still shooting for march 1st!! :) fingers crossed!

~2-3-05~ Not much to say

i've been slacking a bit. i lied to you all. i am still a freak with the house hunting! so i haven't been doing much blogging lately. reading or writing.

the sad part is, is that bob and i found our dream house. the only problem, THE PRICE. it is a BIT out of our price range. unless we don't want any utilities, or to eat, and quit smoking! none of which i am willing to do without at the moment.

he even is on a kick now about getting another job so we could afford it. i told him if he gets another job, he won't ever be around to enjoy the house that he is working so hard to afford. what is the point of that?!?!

i do sooooo love it. it is a little too far out in east-ja-pee-pee (how do you spell that?!?!) i do like that, but then again i don't (the whole being too far from my mom thing). so we are a bit disappointed. i really don't think the house hunting is going to go well. i am just soooooooooo picky, but then again spending that kind of money and finding a place that hopefully you will be at for the rest of your life, you should be that picky!

we drove by some houses we are going to go look at on saturday, and i already found things i don't like about them. in the dark, not even stepping foot in them yet. but hey, i know what i don't want. so hell. my realtor is really going to think i am nuts when i call him back and change again the ones i want to go look at.

i also called my cousin today to see when he thought my house would be done. he said there is really only about 3 more days of work left on it, but we just need the weather to get it done. i told him i am planning on having our house on the market at the end of the month and if he thought it would be done by then. he said yes. then again i was also told that my hosue was going to be done the 2nd week of november. then by christmas. again in his defense, we have had the worst winter i ever remember this year. not so much snow or anything, but the freezing cold weather. yesterday and today are the first time it actually got above 30, since i can remember. and it doesn't even do that til around 2 or 3 pm. then the wind chill still knocks it down a few degrees! i hate this shit!!!!

he said he is hopeful he will be over tomorrow, so i really am going to bed when i am done with this post, and one more cigarette.

mom, clay and i went out to eat tonight. we went to ci ci's pizza. they definitely did something to their pizza, because i thought it was horrendous! no one else noticed, but i am very, VERY picky about my pizza! so i barely ate. and i only had about 3 cinnimon rolls. bob met us there after his run. clay went to grandma's for a bit, and he and i drove past a few of those houses.

we got home around 9, and i realized that i had the dvr set to tape lost, the model thing, and american idol. well i can only tape 2 things at a time. lost was a repeat, but i taped it! so american idol was NOT taped. i was pissed! at least i got the model thing, and my girl is still in it. i like shannon, i think she is really pretty. i want her to win. that other girl isn't horrible, but something about her bugs me. she is pretty, but that is about it.

so we got home in time to put clay to bed. that little turkey was out before 10pm!!! maybe that is the trick. i should get him out of the house when i can. haha! i should tell my mom to come and pick him up every night after work and take him for a few hours! that would do the trick! haha! see why i can't move far away from my mommy!!!! i'm serious i should mention that to her. i kind of feel bad for her, cause my granpa comes over almost every day. she doesn't come over that much anymore, since bob is home now at night, she feels like she is intruding on "our" time. i tell her she is crazy, but i can understand how she feels. so now whenever she comes and knocks on the door, clay is yelling paw-paw, meaning grandpa. i think it makes her a little sad. so i am glad we all got out tonight to do something together.

my soap.......AAGGGHHHHH! it FINALLY got to the point where one of the story lines that i HATE, is coming to a head, but of course it all happened in like the last 2 minutes of the show!!!!! they probably won't deal with it tomorrow, so i will have to wait til friday, which means dragging it out til monday or sometime next week!!! god i hate that!!!!

ooohhhh, by the way, the dr. phil that i wrote about the other day is on tomorrow!!! i can't wait!!!! gotta love sitting there yelling at the stupid people on tv.

talk about stupid people. have ya'll ever caught maury. is that all he does is paternity tests?! granted when he had on opposite couples today i turned it. but how in the hell do you go on there like 5 times and bring 10 different guys to see if they are the daddy of your baby?!?! i am NOT exaggerating!!!!! i mean i would feel like an idiot the first time, and it wasn't the right guy, but to keep bringing guy after guy and to keep hearing they are NOT the father. i would feel like a total piece of shit! what the fuck! i just do not understand people today!!

well cigarette is done, i am outta here! good-night.

~2-1-05~ ME again

i think i know why my child is spoiled and has so much stuff.

it is because i don't want him to get bored. well after i went back down. i felt bad for him. thankfully i had some toys held back from christmas. so i got one out and we put it together. he has been an angel ever since! now he is down playing with it, with grandpa.

so now i get to relax for a little bit. all is well again. for a second!

~2-1-05~ Lord have MERCY!!!

my child has been a holy terror these past 2 days! i was hoping yesterday was just some sort of freak day, but today has started just the same.

he will NOT listen and he keeps hitting me. this whole time out, naughty chair thing just is not working. i just don't know what to do. he has been on the chair at least 3 times already. just in this past hour!!!! he is on there now, and he will stay until i am done with this cigarette!

then he thinks he is cute, which he is. he will be sitting on the chair, and he will get this cute voice and say he is sorry. of course i am the only one who can understand his "talk", but it is too freaking cute, too bad he does NOT mean it. we always tell him what he did bad to be on the chair and make him say sorry then we say he can get down. thanks nanny 911 and super nanny. but he is at it again within 2 minutes!

i know it is wholly not his fault. i know he is probably bored and has a TON of energy that needs burned off. why is there not some sort of gym or somewhere i can take him so he can just run and be crazy?!?! that is why i need a bigger house, with a nice yard. i wish it was warm so we could go outside. i just feel terrible that he is cooped up here. YES i could take him to someone's house to visit, but he will just tear up the place...trust me, tried it.

well now he is down there crying.....gotta go