~2-25-05~ Good thoughts

i just had a very good thought. not that it will actually turn out the way i have planned (does it ever?!)

i was just figuring out bills, and i realized that if i stick to the plan i have now, we could almost be debt free (aside from house payment, car payment, student loan, and 1 big credit card) by the end of 2006. i know that is still a way away, but how awesome would that be if it goes that way?!

i'm hoping to pay off 3 small credit cards ($2000 total) with bob's vacation check this summer. that would only leave 2 sort of big ones ($5000 total). 1 can be paid off with the tax refund i hope to get next year, and then the other can be paid off with his vacation from that summer. EVEN BETTER, i am hoping that we have some extra cash if/WHEN we sell our house, and then they could be taken care of even sooner!!!!

that is such a good thought!! sort of takes a load off my shoulders, but then again, i just KNOW that something will happen in that time frame. story of my life people!!!!!

i just can't wait to get my $600 from the state, i can finally get caught up with the bills i screwed up, and back to my regular schedule. then we will no longer be strapped for cash!! i'm real pissed at my tax guy....i read on the tax form, that if you file for direct deposit you can have your refund deposited in 5-7 days!!!!!!! why did he NOT ask me if i wanted that?!?! i definitely would have!!! my mom said the same thing. so i don't know what the deal with that is!! it would be real nice to have the money now. i hate putting bills off til next pay, cause i am catching up and making double payments from last pay!! UGH!!! hopefully next month this will all be over, and i'll be back to my nice schedule.

yeah i am a freak with my bills. i have a huge "schedule" that i have written out for each month. i tried to do it on the computer, microsoft money i think, but a good ole pad and pen works better for me. i hate relying on anything else to do my calculations except myself. so now it is all scribbly, hopefully soon, it will be all nice, neat, and balanced!!

bob also informed me that he is going to quit smoking. i tried not to laugh in his face....but if you only knew him! then he informed me that he would have to get on the patch or something! well hell, that is probably going to cost more than damn smoking!!! but i guess it is not the money, it is his health that is important, right?!


other news....nails. i don't know if i told you all that the last time i got my nails done i had fungus under one of them. i have NEVER had that. well once, but i was working then, so my hands were in water all day, and i had to glue my broken nail. i'm sure water got trapped under there and, wa-la fungus. well i don't know what the deal was a few weeks back. i am looking at my nails now and it looks like 2 OTHER ones now have fungus as well. what the fuck?!?! i haven't had any broken or any fault of my own to cause this. i'm about to call my nail girl and semi-bitch! i don't know if she needs to clean her shit or what. and everyone bitches about the foreign people. i have never had a problem with them....except they are expensive and too busy. oh well.............


OM f'n G!!!!!!! did you all watch dr. phil yesterday or today. i was a bawling bitch! i really can't even get into the whole story (it took 2 days of tv) but it was awful. i don't think i have ever seen something so awful.

these parents wrote to dr. phil for help, they thought their son, 19, was a sexual predator. to top it off they had suspicion that he had touched his young sister, maybe 6 or 7. it was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo apparent that this kid is not right and in need of help. i could tell from day 1. day 2 dr. phil gave him a lie detector. and it turned out that he did indeed touch his sister. it was so sad and upsetting!!!!!

his brothers already hated him, which to me is sad. not that they didn't have reason too, but it is just sad that there could be such problems that your brothers hate you and wish you dead! then after the results from the lie detector, the father said, do you want dead now or later. then a while later he told him that he was dead to them. how awful to hear from your parent. and how awful to say to your son! it was just an awful situation. my heart broke for every single one of them involved. i know the kid needs help, i pray, pray, PRAY he gets it!!!!

lord, being a parent is soooooo scary. and i have only just begun! i am so terrified! so i was just a bawling mess the whole hour. clay kept looking at me and saying "eyes, eyes" and putting his hands to his eyes. i was wiping mine with a kleenex. i just can't ever imagine "hating" my child. no matter what he does, but what if he hurts another one of my children as well. such a heart breaking situation! lord this world is so sad today! i just don't understand!


another meltdown tonight. after writing that, it seems pretty stupid and trivial. yes, i had a meltdown over a damn mouse!! i don't know if i told you all the other day my cat actually had a dead mouse. well then a few days ago, bob say one up in our ceiling in the kitchen. he put one of the live traps up there. well tonight he caught one. so i go look at it. it was the tiniest, cutest, precious thing!!!!! so then i had the realization that he was going to take this poor mouse out into the cold snow, and just drop it off!!!! I THINK IT WAS A BABY!!! if you would have seen how small it was!!! so, remember i am pathetic......i'm thinking that it is going to miss its mommy and daddy, or even brother and sisters, and so on and so on. so i start sobbing. not crying...sobbing! i had half a mind to let the damn thing go back into the basement. and i seriously think bob may have had that thought as well as he seen me in tears. it was awful. i feel awful about it still. my wonderful husband said he took it and put it by another house down the road. yes, i know that may seem awful, and mean, but he was really thinking of me by doing it. he said it was fine, that it ran off under some bushes. so whoever you are down the road, i am sorry if your house gets infested with mice, my husband was just trying to be nice and make me feel better. hell for all i know he just told me that and actually threw the damn thing out of the car window!!

WHY DO THEY HAVE TO BE SO CUTE!!!!! for those of you who don't think they are cute, are you nuts?!?!?! now i wish i would have taken a picture of it, it was so tiny and so adorable!!

remember, i also don't kill bugs! well mosquitos, and fleas. anything that hunts me and bites me i do. but nothing else. i will capture shit and rush to throw it outside. i swear once it took me a good half hour to get a damn spider out of the house. i'd get it and it would jump off the paper, so i would have to hunt for him and so on and so forth, til i finally got him out the door!

i'm just sensitive like that. or crazy....you be the judge.