~12-22-05~ Checking in

hello! are ya'll ready for christmas?? me neither!!!!

i couldn't wait for it to get here, still can't really, but it is going quick and i still have a bit to do.

i'm having my family over on christmas eve, so i still have to get all the food for that. i HATE last minute shopping and shoppers, sorry if that is you, but i hate it. the only reason i am out last minute is cause the stuff i need i can't get ahead of time. i mean yeah i could have got the turkey breast and froze it, but fresh is just much better.

and for some reason i got a in the cookie baking mood and i have no damn storage containers for them! so i need to get some of those as well. i don't need any acutal gifts, just food items.

we went out last weekend to get the things we need for the week like usual, and it was just a mess!! which really doesn't bother me, but bob was being a goon and all moody! we had clay which made it a bit more difficult as well.

i have to go get his pictures on the 23rd, but luckily that is at the front of the store, but eveyone and their brother will probably be there getting their pictures for christmas.


it has settled down here a bit from my last post. bob still is pissed and wants out, which don't get me wrong, i do too, i just don't know about getting so little for our house and then having to "settle" just to get out.


and again this is the dreaded time of year for me......new year's eve. if you recall last new years eve, if not go here. we got the call the other day. when i saw the caller id and seen it was his friend, i knew it was about some party.

i wasn't even going to bring it up, i was hoping he had the smarts and decency NOT to. but no, last night he started, and i abrutly stopped him and said he was crazy since he never made it home last new year's eve when he went. then he goes on about how he wants me to go with him, and blah, blah, blah............ he had all sorts of scenarios where it would "work" (for him).

firstly, i DO NOT want to go!!!!!!! i am just soooooooo not into going out anymore. anywhere, for anything....yeah killjoy, whatever! my feelings now are that you have a family, that is what you do.

secondly, even if i wasn't like that, i would NOT want to go and hang out with those people. they are ok people, i have no problem with them personally, but they are just not my crowd. especially at 32 years old. no disrespect to anyone out there, but for ME personally, i don't want to be around a bunch of drunk people (especially when i am not one of them), play stupid drinking games. sorry, i am 32 not 22. again no disrespect if that is your thing, it is just not mine.

****also, this is all from experience! i have tried it before, i went to be a good sport, so i am NOT exaggerating!!!!!! and MIND you i was pregnant during all of this!

thirdly, i do NOT like cards! these people do a lot of that. i don't have anything against cards, but i am not being paid attention to when cards are being played. NOT that i want attention, but sitting by myself and not talking to anyone, why even be there then??????????????????

and fourthly, i sort of do have a problem with these people. not really the people, but it is "them" that on several occasions, bob has seriously hurt my feelings and made me disappointed in him because of those people, or should i say FOR those people.

numerous nights i had a million promises that he would be home at a certain decent hour, promise, promise, promise...........NOT!!!!!

i'm sorry but that is just plain disrespectful!!!!!! especially on new year's eve!!!! and especially when he does it over and over and i keep giving him chance after chance..........i guess i am partly the stupid one for giving him chances!!!!

so then part of me feels guilty if i don't let him go, but then the other part of me reads from last new year's eve.....and it has happened since, i'd go back and link to it, but i am not going back through a whole year of posts, trust me it has happened since!

so i don't know what to do. just let him go, and AGAIN hope that he is home in time to celebrate the new year with me.........or say fuck no you can't go! here is a chance to prove to me how important i am. again don't get me wrong, i know i am important to him, but sometimes going against those people i feel inferior.

oh get this! then they all have like this running joke about the whole situation. like everytime joe calls bob to do something......um excuse me, NOT funny! yeah, that is why you are single!!!!!!!!!!!

and there is more, what was i on....fifthly (?), i don't want to leave clay. i am still in the mind set that i don't want to. and why should i if i don't absolutely have to???? i want to be home to tuck him in, we never had anyone else do it, so i don't even know how that would go! but i want to be here. i want to tuck him in, then go down in my living room and relax, then at midnight creep into his room and give him a kiss on his head! AND since i am going to have to be up at 8am (on a good day) the following day, i sure don't want to be out all late. and yes, i realize i am up all hours of the night here, but at least i am relaxed, at home in my jammies.

so i don't know......i'm hoping to have some news to change his mind anyways........


YES, we are stilllllllllllllll trying to get pregnant. i'm trying not to think of it that much this month, but i have been having some weird gas pains lately, yeah i think i have said that the last 2 months, but i think that may have been my brain stressing over it and upsetting my belly. but these were different. and my boobies felt sort of weird last night kind of stinging. at a glance tonight i have some MAJOR blue veins running to them now, and i don't believe i have seen those before, now i wish i would have paid closer attention! so fingers crossed! what a lovely christmas present!!!!!

so the plan is that the day of christmas i am going to take a test. and if it is positive, i am going to wrap it and give it to him at my aunts house. that is tentitive. i think it would be really cute, but i also think it may be better if it were just a moment between he, i and clay. yeah, maybe that is a better way. we can wrap it and give it to my mom, that would still be cute, cheesy but cute! but i AM waiting this time!!!! no early testing just to jinx myself, hell i probably jinxed myself by telling you here!!!!

and if i am and he still wants to go to some damn party, i swear i may hurt the boy!!!!


i got my ring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it is so pretty!!!! i think it could be a bit smaller though, it still twists to one side, but i love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! can't wait to show it off at christmas!!!!


so on to my cutie clay........he is just too smart for his own good! the things this boy can do and the things he picks up on! it is soooooooooooooo amazing!!! SO WHY CAN HE NOT USE THE POTTY?!?!?!? he is going to be REAL stubborn about that one. i always try to get him hyped up for it, but he tells me, "NO, diapers!"

they boy is a printing fool!!!!! he seen me print something the other day, and he is now a whiz at it! i will come in here and he will have a bazillion damn pages printed out.....waste paper and ink much?!?!?! it wasn't bad when it was just his printables from his sites, but now it is everything! whole damn web pages! he is just obsessed with the computer in general! oh and he can spell his name. he one game asks for his name and age, and he can type both in! how cute is that!!

he also destroyed my lap top! i don't know what on earth he did, but it is mangled! the keys were all messed up a few weeks back, so i took some off to see if i could just clean them out, like a normal keyboard.....well laptops aren't the same!!!! so i couldn't get the damn things back on. well the next day he seen some off, well the rest are off now as well!!!

ok, no biggie, so i hooked up a regular keyboard. i have no clue what he did now, but the keyboard no longer works, i even tried another....NOPE!!!! so he gets REAL mad about that, but hey, i don't know what is wrong! maybe the port?! i'm going to try and get a USB connector and see if that works, if not WE are basically screwed except to play some games on it. but he still sits there forever on it playing games! gotta love the noggin.com and nickjr.com!!

he is just so cute, and i love him so much!!! even though the past few nights he has been getting up before 6am!!!! he is getting a cold, so i will let that slide for a while! none the less, i need to get in bed and get ready for that!

take care everyone!!!!!

~12-18-05~ SHOTS FIRED!!!!!!!!!

can you tell how my weekend went????!!!!????!!!!


well the lovely neighbors that i watch after school, their sister, was having a sweet 15 party tonight for her birthday.

she printed out fliers on my computer the other day, i checked it out and bob and i was joking cause on the bottom she put: come in PEACE or leave with the POLICE.


FUNNY STUFF!!!!! especially for a 15 year old's party right???!


so i don't even know the time......bob and i were watching a movie, and i heard a bunch of comotion, i was already pissed cause i knew a bunch of people would be parked along my house, since i am on the corner and they are 2 houses in from me. and clay's window is RIGHT there! so i hear all this ruccus, and i look out the window and this whole MOB of people are trapseing through my front yard!!!!! why would it be ok to walk all in someone's yard?!?! and around the side of my house. we looked out the kitchen window and there were like at least 4 cars DOUBLE PARKED IN THE ROAD, blocking the whole thing, RIGHT OUTSIDE OF MY SONS WINDOW! so i just pick up the phone to call the mom and tell her she needs to get these people the hell out of there and next thing i know.....BANG, BANG, BANG!!!!!!!!!!!!! so i freak and scream to bob was that gun shots, and he yells yes, to call the police. i am freaked the fuck out!!!!!!!! i am screaming at him to get away from the windows and i am screaming at the people at 911. i am almost hyperventilating, i am shaking uncontrollably, then i try 2 different numbers and finally get ahold of those fucking people to tell them WHAT THE FUCK, DID I MENTION THAT MY CHILD'S WINDOW IS RIGHT THE FUCK THERE!!!!!!!!!!!! the mom tells me they know and the police are on the way and stay away from the windows, WELL FUCKING DUH!!!!!!! NOT THE FUCKING POINT HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so i am stressed! i go back downstairs and i cannot find bob, so i am figuring he is going outside after i demanded he get upstairs away from the window! i am calling him and calling him! i know he has a temper, so i did not need him to be out getting shitty with people he thought were involved and who put his son at risk. so i throw on clothes and go outside, the cops were already there.....then i hear him scream at me, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING GET BACK IN HERE!!!!!!! here he was upstairs in the spare bedroom at the window.

so i go back in and i really freak out then and start sobbing hysterically. i couldn't find him and i didn't know what had happened to him, and what would i do without him.

then the other neighbor daughter came over to see how i was, cause i breifly spoke to her when i called for the mom. why was she not freaking like me???????!!!!!!!!!!! she apologized and said it wasn't people from the party, they tried to come and weren't allowed in or something i don't know, i didn't care. i went straight up to check on my son!!!! you hear stories about stray bullets going through walls and killing innocent people, CHILDREN!!!!!!!!!!!!

he was fine! thankfully he slept through me grabbing his chest to make sure he was breathing and moving. lord!

i need the fuck out of here!!!!!!!!!!! i cannot, CANNOT DEAL WITH THAT SHIT!!!!!!!!

bob and i are seriously thinking about putting our house up for as low as we can put it and still pay off our current mortgage, even if it means getting a cheaper house than we want right now. we just need to get out of this shit!!!!!!!!! out of the city!!!!!!!!!!!! away from people who this shit seems to follow and gravitate toward!


this 15 year olds friend was just killed the other day. the police and everything say it was gang related, but not the family or friends. yeah right, it is funny that earlier this year his first cousin was killed and it was gang related! hhhhmmmmm, what do you think????!!!!! and she, herself, was just jumped a few weeks back, i didn't really get all the details, so who knows?? not me, i don't want to know, i just want the fuck out!!!!!!!!!!!!!


we are going to look at some houses tomorrow, hopefully we will see something we like and we can put a bid in and if they accept it then lower ours so we can be gone ASAP!!!!!!!!! which won't be soon enough for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


i hope you all are SAFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! good-night

WHAT WE DID TODAY! I HATE THAT THE FIRST PICTURE YOU TAKE YOU HAVE TO MAKE AS YOUR PACKAGE DEAL. FUCKERS!!!!!!! THIS IS CUTE AND ALL, BUT WAIT TIL YOU SEE THE OTHERS!




MY FAVORITE!!!!



LOVE THIS ONE TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



THESE ARE CUTE TOO.....OF COURSE.







THESE ARE CUTE OF CLAY BUT NOT ME! THE FIRST SUCKS, I MAY NOT EVEN PUT IT ON HERE, THE OTHER OF US LOOKING OFF TO WHO KNOWS IS OK...







THAT WAS OUR FUN FOR TODAY!! SORRY ABOUT THE CAPS, BUT CLAY IS HERE ON MY LAP PUSHING ALL SORTS OF BUTTONS, CAPS LOCK WAS ONE, I JUST WANT TO GET THIS PUBLISHED THEN OFF OF HERE, HE IS DRIVING ME NUTS! HE WANT TO "PLAY GAME!" BYE!

~12-15-05~ What's been going on here

I GOT IT!!!!!!!!



LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!



i told them the wrong size, so we took it to get sized right today. it is kind of queer cause the band doesn't fit real great on the other ring, so i am getting them welded ? together. i didn't want to, but i'm not fighting for them to stay on top of each other like they are supposed to.

i also had the guy look at it and give me a verbal appraisal. and he said i got a great deal. he couldn't get real specific with, weights and measurments and color and clarity, that they charge for. but he said everything looked good and is REAL, so that relieves me. i'm happy!!! just sucks that i have to wait til monday to get it back!


this past weekend we got a bit of snow! clay made his first snow angel.



actually it was like his second or third. i missed the actual first. he sure does love the snow!!! want more proof??



his first taste of snow! UGH!

this is bob's little project from a few days ago....



that is his mini snowman in the bird bath, which leads to.....







so that is my time.........i'm sure i will have plenty coming up since ALL of my shows are ending until janurary!!!!!!! i seriously think i am going to die a bit. it is going to suck!! i already hate mondays when nothing is on!!!!! we are going to be forced to watch that damn show with howie mandel, that doesn't interest me at all! and i already started dvr'ing that show project runway.......


stay warm and be safe all!!!!

~12-7-05~ Still here!

i'm still around, but it has been hectic.

we had an open house this past sunday, nothing new on that front! but the house is clean for a minute!


i always thought it was a good thing that i did my christmas shopping so early. um, NOT!!!! i guess it was good for everyone EXCEPT my son. i keep seeing things i want to get him and i KEEP GETTING THEM!!!!!!!!!!!

from now on, i don't think i will do his shopping until the LAST minute!

this boy is going to get the mother lode for christmas. i'm sticking to the belief that by next christmas, there will, hopefully, be another little one, so this is HIS christmas to be spoiled.


i really think that ebay is a sort of "drug". i am seriously getting bad. granted i am using it for "good", but getting stuff for others, but damn! i did break down and do a bit of ME shopping though, i'll get to that in a minute.


we were at walmart last week and i saw this cute ring, i don't even know why i looked, but it was cute and cheap so i put it in layaway. i've been going back and forth about getting a new one, the wedding set i have now is my mother's. which i love and has tremendous sentimental value, but i would like an update. so i was all excited i had it in layaway.

well then i get home and get on good ole ebay and find THIS!!!!!!! is that not almost the most beautiful thing you ever saw?!?!?!?!?!?

notice the winning bidder, yeah, that is me!!!!!! i got a ring!!!!!!!!!!!!! it is my christmas gift from bob. so i was so happy about the ring, and left bob a note to let him know that i won it.

and in return, i got something even more beautiful than the ring.......this note:

Jennifer, Good morning!

I hope you won it!! And if so, i hope you love it!! i've always felt badly that i never got you a nicer ring to show my appreciation for you being my wife. even though i didn't select this one for you personally, i want youto know that you have my blessing, and my love. and i want you to know that if i were more of a man, someone who took charge of his own finance, that you wouldn've had a nicer ring long ago. i think you deserve it! i hope you will always consider it a gift from my heart! know that my heart is much more generous than my capacity for responsibility (if that makes sense)

i look forward to a long and happy life with you, and hope you feel the same way, thank you for overlooking my inadequacies.

again, congratulations. know that i love you with all my heart! i am very excited for you!

i love you,
bob

p.s. tell clay that daddy loves him too. no ring for him though, he already got enough stuff for christmas.


IS THAT NOT LOVELY?!?!?!?! i get tears every time i read it!!!!

yes, he does do stuff on a regular basis that totally pisses me off, but for that note right there, that is why i fell in love with him and married him! he really is a genuine, loving, and caring guy!

it is funny how some writing on a piece of paper can mean more, than a bunch of diamonds!! that is the way it should be though! just pure love and emotion! showing it from the heart, and not just through material things...............yeah, but the material things are nice though! haha!

just thought i would share that with you all cause it is very, VERY special to me!! and please remind me of it the next time i am on here bitching about something stupid he has done.

take care all.......keep warm! it is FREEZING here!!!