~1-1-04~ Happy New Year! oops....1-1-05

well i hope your was better than mine!

it is about 2:30AM, and my husband is STILL not home. it was lovely, got to ring in the new year by my lonesome!

i don't know what happened to i'll be home about 10, so we can celebrate the new year together. to be honest, about 75% of me knew he wasn't going to be home. and to be totally honest, this is what keeps our relationship the way it is. why sometimes i wonder why i am even here. and most importantly the reason i really do not care to have another child with this man!

know what is funny......just the other day i thought maybe we should start now, trying for another one, inssttead of waiting. guess that is what i get for thinking!! i was even going to give him some new year's sex. just another reason why he doesn't get much sex.......for doing shit like this!!! yes i may move on, and "forgive" but i don't forget this shit. it builds up in me and i start to sometimes resent him. that is the problem! just when i think that he is done doing irresponsibe, and disrespectful stuff, boom he does it again.......which just brings back to me all the stuff he has done in the past.

why did i make pork and saurkraut?!?! he is lucky i didn't actually peel potatoes to make real mashed potatoes. and why did i wait til midnight, starving to eat?!?! i almost threw it all in the trash, but figured if i did that i would be craving it tomorrow and i would just be hurting myself. i still may depending on how much this all keeps stewing in my head before i finally fall asleep. fuck him! i should have known since we actually had a nice christmas, something was bound to happen. but hell, i shouldn't have to think like that! that is not a normal or healthy relationship. just waiting for the next fuck up! what the hell is that?!?!?!

and he hates my blog cause you only get to hear my side of things and makes him look like an ass. well how can there be an "other" side to not coming home on new year's and leaving your wife sit at home all by herself?! i truly don't need to add anything there to make him look like an ass. as a matter of fact all it does is make me look like a big horse's ass for putting up with it all!

well i am going to bed. i just finally watched that 5 people you meet in heaven. of course i was crying, so now i have a worse headache than i started with. it was a good movie by the way.

again....i hope you all had a safe and happy new year's eve!