~12-22-05~ Checking in

hello! are ya'll ready for christmas?? me neither!!!!

i couldn't wait for it to get here, still can't really, but it is going quick and i still have a bit to do.

i'm having my family over on christmas eve, so i still have to get all the food for that. i HATE last minute shopping and shoppers, sorry if that is you, but i hate it. the only reason i am out last minute is cause the stuff i need i can't get ahead of time. i mean yeah i could have got the turkey breast and froze it, but fresh is just much better.

and for some reason i got a in the cookie baking mood and i have no damn storage containers for them! so i need to get some of those as well. i don't need any acutal gifts, just food items.

we went out last weekend to get the things we need for the week like usual, and it was just a mess!! which really doesn't bother me, but bob was being a goon and all moody! we had clay which made it a bit more difficult as well.

i have to go get his pictures on the 23rd, but luckily that is at the front of the store, but eveyone and their brother will probably be there getting their pictures for christmas.


it has settled down here a bit from my last post. bob still is pissed and wants out, which don't get me wrong, i do too, i just don't know about getting so little for our house and then having to "settle" just to get out.


and again this is the dreaded time of year for me......new year's eve. if you recall last new years eve, if not go here. we got the call the other day. when i saw the caller id and seen it was his friend, i knew it was about some party.

i wasn't even going to bring it up, i was hoping he had the smarts and decency NOT to. but no, last night he started, and i abrutly stopped him and said he was crazy since he never made it home last new year's eve when he went. then he goes on about how he wants me to go with him, and blah, blah, blah............ he had all sorts of scenarios where it would "work" (for him).

firstly, i DO NOT want to go!!!!!!! i am just soooooooo not into going out anymore. anywhere, for anything....yeah killjoy, whatever! my feelings now are that you have a family, that is what you do.

secondly, even if i wasn't like that, i would NOT want to go and hang out with those people. they are ok people, i have no problem with them personally, but they are just not my crowd. especially at 32 years old. no disrespect to anyone out there, but for ME personally, i don't want to be around a bunch of drunk people (especially when i am not one of them), play stupid drinking games. sorry, i am 32 not 22. again no disrespect if that is your thing, it is just not mine.

****also, this is all from experience! i have tried it before, i went to be a good sport, so i am NOT exaggerating!!!!!! and MIND you i was pregnant during all of this!

thirdly, i do NOT like cards! these people do a lot of that. i don't have anything against cards, but i am not being paid attention to when cards are being played. NOT that i want attention, but sitting by myself and not talking to anyone, why even be there then??????????????????

and fourthly, i sort of do have a problem with these people. not really the people, but it is "them" that on several occasions, bob has seriously hurt my feelings and made me disappointed in him because of those people, or should i say FOR those people.

numerous nights i had a million promises that he would be home at a certain decent hour, promise, promise, promise...........NOT!!!!!

i'm sorry but that is just plain disrespectful!!!!!! especially on new year's eve!!!! and especially when he does it over and over and i keep giving him chance after chance..........i guess i am partly the stupid one for giving him chances!!!!

so then part of me feels guilty if i don't let him go, but then the other part of me reads from last new year's eve.....and it has happened since, i'd go back and link to it, but i am not going back through a whole year of posts, trust me it has happened since!

so i don't know what to do. just let him go, and AGAIN hope that he is home in time to celebrate the new year with me.........or say fuck no you can't go! here is a chance to prove to me how important i am. again don't get me wrong, i know i am important to him, but sometimes going against those people i feel inferior.

oh get this! then they all have like this running joke about the whole situation. like everytime joe calls bob to do something......um excuse me, NOT funny! yeah, that is why you are single!!!!!!!!!!!

and there is more, what was i on....fifthly (?), i don't want to leave clay. i am still in the mind set that i don't want to. and why should i if i don't absolutely have to???? i want to be home to tuck him in, we never had anyone else do it, so i don't even know how that would go! but i want to be here. i want to tuck him in, then go down in my living room and relax, then at midnight creep into his room and give him a kiss on his head! AND since i am going to have to be up at 8am (on a good day) the following day, i sure don't want to be out all late. and yes, i realize i am up all hours of the night here, but at least i am relaxed, at home in my jammies.

so i don't know......i'm hoping to have some news to change his mind anyways........


YES, we are stilllllllllllllll trying to get pregnant. i'm trying not to think of it that much this month, but i have been having some weird gas pains lately, yeah i think i have said that the last 2 months, but i think that may have been my brain stressing over it and upsetting my belly. but these were different. and my boobies felt sort of weird last night kind of stinging. at a glance tonight i have some MAJOR blue veins running to them now, and i don't believe i have seen those before, now i wish i would have paid closer attention! so fingers crossed! what a lovely christmas present!!!!!

so the plan is that the day of christmas i am going to take a test. and if it is positive, i am going to wrap it and give it to him at my aunts house. that is tentitive. i think it would be really cute, but i also think it may be better if it were just a moment between he, i and clay. yeah, maybe that is a better way. we can wrap it and give it to my mom, that would still be cute, cheesy but cute! but i AM waiting this time!!!! no early testing just to jinx myself, hell i probably jinxed myself by telling you here!!!!

and if i am and he still wants to go to some damn party, i swear i may hurt the boy!!!!


i got my ring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it is so pretty!!!! i think it could be a bit smaller though, it still twists to one side, but i love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! can't wait to show it off at christmas!!!!


so on to my cutie clay........he is just too smart for his own good! the things this boy can do and the things he picks up on! it is soooooooooooooo amazing!!! SO WHY CAN HE NOT USE THE POTTY?!?!?!? he is going to be REAL stubborn about that one. i always try to get him hyped up for it, but he tells me, "NO, diapers!"

they boy is a printing fool!!!!! he seen me print something the other day, and he is now a whiz at it! i will come in here and he will have a bazillion damn pages printed out.....waste paper and ink much?!?!?! it wasn't bad when it was just his printables from his sites, but now it is everything! whole damn web pages! he is just obsessed with the computer in general! oh and he can spell his name. he one game asks for his name and age, and he can type both in! how cute is that!!

he also destroyed my lap top! i don't know what on earth he did, but it is mangled! the keys were all messed up a few weeks back, so i took some off to see if i could just clean them out, like a normal keyboard.....well laptops aren't the same!!!! so i couldn't get the damn things back on. well the next day he seen some off, well the rest are off now as well!!!

ok, no biggie, so i hooked up a regular keyboard. i have no clue what he did now, but the keyboard no longer works, i even tried another....NOPE!!!! so he gets REAL mad about that, but hey, i don't know what is wrong! maybe the port?! i'm going to try and get a USB connector and see if that works, if not WE are basically screwed except to play some games on it. but he still sits there forever on it playing games! gotta love the noggin.com and nickjr.com!!

he is just so cute, and i love him so much!!! even though the past few nights he has been getting up before 6am!!!! he is getting a cold, so i will let that slide for a while! none the less, i need to get in bed and get ready for that!

take care everyone!!!!!