~10-31-05~ HELP!

um, does anyone know how to get salt out of a black childs hair??????

it is ALL the way down to the scalp!!!!!!!!!!


i was in here on the computer while the kids were playing in clay's room. i went to check on them since they were being awfully quiet......i walk in and amariah is digging in the damn vaporizor vicks, and is rubbing it on her lips!!!!!!!!!!!

so i snatch her up and realize it is gritty, here the salt that i had in there to put in the water is all mixed in with the vicks, not to mention ALL over her!!!!

so i got all the vicks off her, but i am at a loss as to what to do about the salt!!!!


i tried rubbing it out, i tried blowing it out, i tried picking it out....not working so much! guess it doesn't help that her mom was in a hurry this morning and didn't brush her hair, so it is a mess!!!!!!!


well i guess now these people will realized how imcompitent i am as a sitter and they will quit bringing their child over here for me to watch!!!!!!!!!!!!

ya think??????????????????????????


her mom should be back soon, i just feel like an idiot....."she was good, but she has a ton of salt in her hair!" oh and she smells like vicks! ha

~10-30-05~ Happy Halloween?? NOT!!

i sit here listening to all the kids out trick or treating and having a good time...

we are NOT, cause we are STILL SICK!!!! DAMN IT!!!!!


just thought i would get on here and whine for a minute.


if you are out there be safe and have fun!!

~10-28-05~ Save the DRAMA for yo MAMA!!!!!!!

why does everyone have to bring their drama to me?!?!?!?!?!?

"the enighbors" that i wrote about the other night are at it again.....

the "foster" daughter, that i don't even think is a foster daughter now, came over this morning crying, asking to use the phone to call cleveland. i thought she said that her mom put her hands on her.......

here it was her mom's mom. YES, her mother is in cleveland AGAIN!!!!!!

so she called her mom, then called the cops.........


like usual, i don't even get the whole story, so i don't know what the fuck these people are doing, but the cops would not let ashley back in the house, so she came back over crying some more and called her mom back. along with some other people, i don't know!


so then i talked to ashley's mom and she asked if she could stay here til she could catch the bus to cleveland at 3:30. oh, and also could i give ashley $2.50 for the bus.

WHY THE FUCK DOESN'T THE MOM BRING HER ASS HOME, INSTEAD OF BUSING ASHLEY TO CLEVELAND?!?!?!?!?!?

I MEAN ALL HER KIDS ARE HERE!!!!! ashley is 22, her REAL (i am not even sure on that story any more) kids, 4 more of them, are here, and are going to be staying with that woman?????? and that woman didn't even get the 4 year old ready today and off to school.


lord i swear!!!! these people give me a damn headache! so ashely just took the bus to her aunts to try and get money to get to cleveland.


whatever!!


so a little while ago, the realtor place called and someone wants to show the house tomorrow....between 10-10:30!!!!!!! of course we still aren't done! bob has the damn living room ceiling all tore up cause he wanted to fix some cracks before we painted, so now it looks worse than orginally!!! i told him he should get that done at least before people come see and think our ceiling is falling in or something. i doubt that will happen!!

so who knows what this place is going to look like tomorrow!!

well clay is on my lap and he keeps typing while i am and i am getting tire of backspacing to correct everything, so i am out of here for now.


P.S. i finally got him some medicine from the doctors, but it tastes BAD, so it is hard to get him to take it. bob is taking it back to the pharmacy tonight to get some of that tasty stuff in it, hopefully that works. especially since they CHARGE you for it!!!!! guess nothing is free in this world huh?!! well unless you come here and eat my food, have me watch your kids and use my phone.........

~10-26-05~ Quick catch up

well i haven't posted lately. not much time and actually not much happening.


clay is still sick. it got real bad over the weekend! thankfully it was the weekend, cause the one night i didn't get himself or myself to bed til after 5am, so luckily bob let me sleep. you just have to looooooooove sleeping all day! god i DO!!!!!

well speaking on that jinxed me, clay just got up. luckily he went back to sleep pretty easily, even though it took like 2 times to finally get out of there without him waking back up. GOD I HATE SQUEAKY FLOORS!!!!!!!!!!!! I SOOOOOOOOOOOO WILL NOT HAVE THEM IN MY NEXT HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!

i thought we were over the whole light sleeping issue, but now that he is sick and coughing every 5 seconds, i don't think he is actually GETTING to sleep fully. so now he is waking at every creek of the floor. and i am sure that is why he keeps getting up in the middle of the night as well.

sunday night he actually SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT! and didn't even get up til 7:30am!!! i was so happy! but then last night he was up again at about 3am, and then up for good again around 6am! the only good on that today was that he fell asleep around 10am today and we slept til almost 2pm!!!! that was wonderful. i had to fight a little to get him to finally go to sleep for bedtime, but not as bad as i had imagined. hell he can get up everday at 6am if we can sleep from 10-2!!


we are still doing stuff to the house. we had people come look at it saturday morning, but haven't heaerd anything back....WHAT'S NEW?!?! we are going to have an open house the first sunday in november. i am sooooooo totally at the point of whatever! i seriously don't think we are going to be moving this year!!

not that just noone is offering on mine, but even if we do get an offer, there are like NO houses going up for sale now that winter is coming! there are still a few on the market that we like somewhat, but i keep waiting for a house to blow me away like the one we SHOULD HAVE HAD down in canton south. as soon as i saw the listing i almost fainted, and knew it was the one!!!!!!!!

the one in uniontown is definitely THAT, but with a heftier price tag, and the load lady is saying it won't work!!! so FUCK!!


as for baby #2, i still don't know. i hate this waiting shit!!!!! i have like a week before i can test. it is driving me nuts! i keep gettig little twinges that i am pregnant, but that is probably just all in my head. i don't think i had any signs when i was pregnant before. granted the last time i was pregnant, it wasn't and "actual" pregnancy, so i don't remember much. the first time i didn't know i was pregnant, until after i didn't get my period, so didn't think to look for any signs. even once i did know, i don't remember if i had any tell tale signs.....i take that back, my boobs were very sore, but i don't remember at what point of the pregnancy that started. i know the first time too that i had terrible gas pains, as bad as the pain as when my ectopic ruptured, that is why i didn't know that it had ruptured! but that too i don't think was til about a month into my pregnancy. plus hell, i always have gas pains, so what's new?! guess we will just have to wait for the test! i'll tell you what, pregnancy tests sure have come down in price since the last time i had to buy one! i think i just got a box of 3, NAME BRAND EVEN, for under $10! how come i remember like 1 generic being almost $20?! then again, that was long ago, and my mind has been slipping since then................


on the the hooligans.......they weren't over much last week and boy was is nice!!!!!

quiet is so nice! then i talked to the mom the other day, cause she still hasn't been down to pay me, but she has called.......ummmmm, she lives 2 houses down, why can she call and not come over????????????????? whatever.....then she had the nerve to say i know the girls weren't down there for a few days, so you know how many days you had them?

WHAT???????????????????????????????????????????? OK, LADY, I GET $30 EVERY 2 WEEKS!! so i don't have the kids for a few days and you are going to take money away from me???????????????? especially since i have been buying their damn snacks with MY money, since she has NEVER yet sent ANY down?!?!?!

and then i was thinking, yeah the older girl was off since she had her tonsils out, but that monday, SHE was here with HER kid, and the other girls got off school early and then they were here too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so that day should count!!!!! so actually it may have been 1 day they weren't here. i don't know but, jesus christ, you are going to nit pick over a day or 2 that i didn't have them after all the shit i do for YOUR family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i just gave them a phone, for some reason they don't have one???? they have that phone through the cable and it NEVER works, so there were here using it a bunch of times........i never did get back all of my lawn chairs that i let her use for her home and garden party............she had borrowed a ton of my nail polish and had it forever............i just do a lot for those damn people!

oh and did i mention that the father, he is only the father to the 2 youngest girls, his son plays in the NFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so how in the hell are these people so hard up?!?!?!?!?! i just don't get it.......

the dad was actually home early today, so they left early today. the little white girl allyah, i don't think i spelled it right, she usually comes over after school too, anyways, she left when the girls did, but she came back later. i sent her home around 5:30 cause it was time to eat, then she came back a little after 6 and stayed til about 7. she doesn't really bother me much. she is only 6, so i think since she is closer in age to clay the actually somewhat play together. she is sort of lound and obnoxious, but she is 6! i heard she has ADHD, i don't really believe in all of that. i mean i know some kids really do, but i think more than not, mostly it is kids being kids! her mom always goes on and on about how noone wants to watch allyah. i don't know if she is just hinting or what, and i am smart enough to just say "oh", and that is it. and remember i did tell her no when she asked if i babysat. anyways i don't think she is bad. i don't know why people think she is so horrible. so it wasn't a bad night at all.


we got our patterns set for our pumpkins that we still have NOT carved. i'm surprised they aren't rotted by now. i went to print them out and of course, i am out of light blue and yellow ink. with my printer when you are out of ANY color, the WHOLE thing will not work. STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so now i have to go and get some damn cartridges, in case i want to print ANYTHING! luckily i finished the collage i made of clay the other day without running out. seeing as how i haven't printed anything since that, i JUST made it!! you should see how darling the collage is!!! i just love it! but you all know my kid is just sooooo damn cute!! haha!! well, i know, and that is all that matters! :)


i was going to chat about some tv shows, but damn look at the time! it is almost 2am, i seriously need to get to bed!!!

night all!!

~10-21-05~ SLEEP DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!

right now it is incredibly cute cause clay is singing his "ABC's". he forgets a few and jumbles a few, but it is so damn cute that i almost, ALMOST forget andforgive the fact that he has been up since 2am!

yes, 2 fucking AM!!!!! he finally fell back to sleep at about 7:30am, but just as i was saying a good ole thank you lord, he was up by 8am!

what the hell is up with that?!?!?!?! so, know how much sleep i have had. NADA!!!! i have dozed off here and there for a bit, after 5am, i went into our bedroom and announced to bob that i was DONE, and couldn't do this any longer. so i think he got up for the most part, and i probably drifted for a little bit, but whatever i got doesn't really count, at least to my brain and body it doesn't cause i feel as if i am going to lose it any second!

and to think i could be pregnant right now and have to go through this all over again..........AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


we are currently on day 4 of trying for kid #2. it just sucks that now i have to wait until the 5th to see if i get my monthly visitor. i checked out some early pregnancy test, but they say you can check as early as 4 days before your period. 4 days...ppffttt! hell i might as well just wait the damn 4 days! it ain't that damn EARLY! i want to know now!!!!!

i wish i could know if i ovulated from the right or left ovary! that way i could tell if we are just wasting our time and hopes right now or not! that is what is driving me crazy the most!!! no what drives me most crazy right now is that my child is here tearing up the computer room, but i am just too damn tired right now to even deal with it. yelling and telling him to stop won't work. and i just don't feel like getting off of this chair. when i do, it will be to go back and lay on the couch. then i have to deal with kids around 2:30!!!!!!!!!!

i shouldn't complain about that much now though, i think they were only here once this week so far. let me tell you know nice it was yesterday to not have to answer the door yesterday except for ONCE, and that was my grandpa, so that was ok....especially since that meant i got to go take a shower! woo-hoo! oh the little things that make me happy these days!


we did some more painting and fixing up last night. someone is coming to look at the house tomorrow between 10:30am-11:30am. so we are trying to get as much done as possible. i think we nixed the whole wallpaper idea. even though it would look soooooooo nice. we are just making too much work for ourselves. we put up the chair rail and it looks beautiful! so now tonight we will probably just do some touch up painting, and bob has to paint the ceilings. then after clay goes to sleep we will have to MAJOR CLEAN AND PICK UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that is the hardest part. it seems that amongst this whole painting and fixing my house became a total disaster again! he cleared some more stuff out of the basement, but that also means it is more of a mess down there! but that is his job! i'll pick up and clean the upstairs.


well i desperately need to go lay down, did i mention that last night i also broke down and took some nyquil. yeah that is real good to take when you are going to get NO sleep! so i have to go catch up.

talk to ya'll later! take care!

~10-18-05~ Still here

these people around me make me so tired, it makes me relive it AGAIN by writing about it! so at night when i want to write i am already too tired to "re-live" it all again!

hey anon. i wasn't offended by your comment, and did not take it in a bad way. i appreciate you reading and commenting!


anyways.......so last week that girl had her tonsils out. i had to watch her daughter the day of, no biggie really....i don't think, can't remember back that far nowdays!

then thursday her mom called BEFORE i was even out of bed in the AM, i didn't answer. these people kept calling like every 10 damn minutes! she finally left a message that she, the daughter, wasn't doing too good, and she wanted me to go down and check on her, cause her daughter, the daughter's daughter, was kind of driving her batty. well, i STILL did NOT answer! i brought clay upstairs and we HID OUT all day. yes, i felt guilty!!!!!!!!!!! but aren't you all a bit proud?! i knew they wanted me to take the little one. i finally caved about 1pm and went down there, but she wasn't home. i did have her a little later that night, but again, no biggie.

THEN friday comes and the daughter sent her sister down to see if i could take her daughter to get her pictures taken cause she still wasn't feeling well. WHAT?!?! cancel the damn things then!!! well i had a REAL excuse, my nail girl was coming to do my nails. again, i felt bad, but i really couldn't! then my nail girl goes and does a no-show!!! later that night the daughter sent her sister down AGAIN asking if i could watch the little one for a bit, since she still wasn't feeling well. i lied and said we were about to eat and i would be down later. i was staying at home to pay bills, while bob went and got food. i also told her that i would only be able to watch her til about 8pm, cause that is when i get clay ready for bed. so a little after 6 i sent bob down to get her. then the mom walks in the door with the little one. then i saw whe was CRYING! i was like oh my god are you ok?!?! she was in A LOT of pain! she could barely talk and she said she could barely swallow. i felt terrible! she laid on the couch and fell asleep, meanwhile i tried to call her mom at her second job, but couldn't get a hold of her. then i felt realy guilty and bad for not helping out earlier. so we let her sleep. clay and the little one played and bob and i hung up our new blinds in the sunroom.

i ended up taking clay up to bed around 9pm and was SHOCKED that he didn't throw a fit. i came down and bob was rocking the little one. we then went outside to smoke and i was outside for about 2 minutes holding her and she was OUT! i think the mom came and got them both when she got home from work around 10pm. i really felt bad for the girl, but damn! how did she give birth!!! i mean i know she is only 21, and still sort of young to be going through stuff, but again, HOW IN THE WORLD DID SHE GIVE BIRTH?!?! and she actually wants to move out on her own?????????? i don't think she would make it!!!!

saturday mom took clay and we did more painting! the same with sunday! and we are still not done!!!!!!!!!!!! lord the work i am making for us! but it does look nice! with we would have done this 6 years ago!!

so yesterday i had to go to the girlie doctor. fun, fun! told her we are trying for #2 now. so i got some prenatal vitamins, and got some more info on my "problem". i was REAL pissed that the doctor who i blame for my problem, i know, told me that even though i only had 1 fallopian tube left, that even if i ovulated from my left ovary that the egg would still make its way over to the right tube. well the lady that i go to and trust, say that is NOT true!

so i better start praying that i ovulate mostly from my right, since that is the only tube i have. i would like to wait another month before trying to get pregnant, but in case it is harder, i don't want to miss the opportunity! so we are supposed to start trying tonight. i should be ovulating. the 2 times that i have had sex, when i WAS ovulating and NOT on birth control i got pregnant, so i know my cycle.....so fingers crossed.

bob is excited he is going to be getting sex the next few days. so he should be in a good mood for a while.

so then back to my exciting life............last night i was watching my soaps and i kept hearing something. i kept pausing my soap to listen.....i thought i heard people yelling. so my nosey butt went to the window. i saw someone walking quite a ways down the road, so i assumed it was them. then i say a woman riding a bike toward the person walking. by this point i know it is the "other neighbors". so i hear more yelling, so i go out on my porch. i look down the road and i see that the bike is in the middle of the road on the ground. then i see her and him arguing. it is dark and can't see much, so then i panic, like what should i do???????? i sort of go in the house, just as bob comes out to see what is going on.....then we look back and she is laying in the middle of the road....at this point i call 911 and specifically tell bob to stay put! i know that is awful, but nowdays, it can be dangerous to help people. TRUST ME, that is awful! but it is the truth! and i know bob and he would all get into it with whoever trying to help and i don't need that! we have a son to think about! so just as i hang up with them we see the guy on top of the girl, i don't know what is going on, so i call 911 back to tell them to HURRY and then bob takes off down there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so then i have to go down there. here the guy was trying to help the girl up, and the daughter ran down there as well. ashley, the one that is always her using the phone**remind me to tell you about that** so bob sort of got loud at one point with the guy, cause they were all sort of arguing, but then it came out that this broad is 6 months pregnant!!!!!!!! WHAT?????!!!!!! like that is all she needs is another one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! especially with this guy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is the one that was kicked out a while back...........and who about 2 weeks ago was kicked out again by the cops for supposedly attacking ashley!!!!!

so anyways, they guy is saying he grabbed the bike and they both fell, and i think she was trying to say a different story, cause she kept asking if i saw it. and i don't really think i did. thinking back after we got home, i am thinking that i may have seen him push her later, but they were in a driveway, not in the road with the bike....everything happened so fast and it was dark, and i was freaked, i don't remember!

she is going to take him back anyways so what is the point. i think they took him. they handcuffed him and put him in the car before we left. she was talking about pressing charges, but i was rolling my eyes on the inside. she didn't go with the ambulance, so i don't know what that was all about.....we left before that anyways. just ridiculous!

and it just pisses me off! if i have a problem getting pregnant and this broad is AGAIN all while not taking care of the 5+ she has! what the fuck! oh well.

**about ashely using the phone. i got my phone bill there is like $45 dollar of long distance on there!!!!!!!! WTF?!?! how are you going to use someone else's phone to do that! in that there was like 8 3-way calls and i don't have that so that is $1.99 a pop! i made bob go over and tell her. and of course she said she gets her check on the 30th, so she will give it to us then. i mean she didn't deny it or anything. when he told her she was just like uh-huh. AAAGGHHH!!!!!

so then saturday she came over to borrow $1, cause the kids needed milk, her mom was in cleveland AGAIN. i was like, damn ashely you are going to owe us your whole check soon!! and YES I DID SAY THAT!!!!!!!!!!!! she just sort of laughed it off saying, i know, but i was damn serious!!!!!!

i will be on her ass the 30th. her mom borrowed $10 from us before, i was REALLY shocked that we got it back. granted me had to call and "remind" them, so who knows if we wouldn't have called them on it.................

i just know we need to get out of here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well my kid has been asleep for wayyyyyyyyyyy too long. i thought the girls were coming over after school and he would be up about 3pm, guess the older sis (tonsil girl) is home, so i need to wake him before he doesn't go to bed tonight.

sunday night/morning he got up AGAIN about 3:30am, and would NOT go back to sleep! he didn't end up going back to sleep til after 5am!!!!!! what the hell?????!!!!!!

oh well. wish us luck on the baby #2 thing and i will let you all know our progress!

have a good day!

~10-14-05~ OOOOH, ME SO CRAZY!!

well i just went ape shit on ebay!!

lately at night when getting clay ready for bed, we put in this dvd i got him for his brithday.....he loveeeeesssss it. needless to say i am getting tired of the same damn dvd!

so i started to look for some new ones on there, and before you know it i bid on and won 4 auctions! i think i lost 1 or 2 and that is FINE!!! you start bidding, well i do, then forget what i already bid on and then i have 50!

so while i was looking i thought to myself, i am awfully tired of the cd's we listen to while reading books as well, why not look for some of those too..........

well 2 auctions later i have 10 cd's! and another ends in 35 minutes that i am winning and that is another 3 cd's!!!

then i was like fuck it, we should probably get some new books too since we read the same ones over and over.........

you guessed it, 2 auctions=121 books!! and i still have 2 going on that i am winning and that is for another 81 books!

i got some cute stuff though, check out the links:

DVD's:

1

2

3

4

CD's:

1

2

-pending:

3

BOOKS:

1

2

-pending:

3

4

OTHER:

1


yeah, should have waited for christmas! maybe it will be an early gift, good thing he is still young, he really doesn't know that he is getting something or not, so that'll work, for now! :)


well all this spending money has be wore out, so i am off to bed!

good night!

~10-13-05~ Response

this is in response to anon. thanks for reading and commenting.

i appreciate what you said, and i am fully aware that in most cases i AM being taken advantage of, but it is really MY OWN fault. i have this thing about telling people no. especially when i have no reason to, except that "i don't want to do something". and i KNOW that that is my right if i don't want to do something, but part of me feels that if i can, why not??

maybe i just like to moan and whine....i don't know. and another truth, i feel bad for these kids. i think that is another reason i put myself out there so much. i can give them some things they don't get at home. and it is really "inbred" in me.

when growing up my house, actually my dads house, was the house for everyone! neighbors, friends, someone needing something..... even when i was in high school my father had a jar full of suckers for neighborhood kids. children we didn't even know mind you! all day and evening long, these kids would come and knock at our door for suckers! at times it was VERY annoying to me, but at the same time i thought it was just a great character that my dad possessed. why he started and how it started but i don't know. but if we were low on suckers my dad had to make a special trip JUST for suckers. maybe a part of me feels like it is now my turn to sort of take over.

granted it is to a greater extreme than what my dad did.....well, not really.....i had a friend who lived with me for a while, her mom didn't give us money or anything and my dad fed and took care of her. and again, it is a bit of difference since she was my friend. but there is just something in me that wants to help where i am needed.

and these people do ask if i mind, and i always reply, "no problem....sure". so it really is my fault. a lot of days i can't wait to get out of here, but then it is like what if there are no kids or anything where we move....i am probably going to go insane with NOONE around. see, i think it is just me....i am insane!!

i think i am just not used to dealing with kids.....ALL girls at that! they are soooooooo different than boys! they really are entertaining at times. i think my stress level is elevated with all this house horseshit!

and you all will be proud to know that i did say NO to one request, actually a question. another little girl down the way comes over and plays too after school. when her mom came to get her the other day she asked if i babysit. it was a quick NO, i just watch these girls after school. i know the mom works til like 9-10 at night and there is NO WAY that is happening right now. night time is my peace time! and there was that way down deep part of me that wanted to say yes, cause i knew the lady was in need of a sitter, but i shut that part up real quick. plus bob would have shut it up if i would have said yes.

bob is the same way as me though too. guess that is why we mesh so well. i mean way before any of this, he let crazy neighbor lady borrow my car and we didn't even know her then!!!!! and on more than one occasion!!! but that all worked out fine, she is very appreciative. now that she is almost all moved out she has let me go through her stuff, and let me tell you it is like christmas for me!!! woo-hoo! me, misses pack rat was going nuts!!!! you should see the stuff i got though!

i got a couch, several (at least 4) end tables, a 3 piece dresser set with a large mirror, a nice wicker type couch, an old shelf thing, various knick knacks and odds and ends. there are still a few old tables that i want bob to get, and a filing cabinet. she has some nice wood blinds and some old rockers too that i may try and talk him into taking. we already had 2 truck loads!! we may take the fridge too. it is nice. they didn't open it after the electric was shut off and there is some nasty stuff growing in there, but it is a damn nice fridge!

i was loving it.....clay was too. i think he has inherited the love of going through other people's junk like i do. he was having a blast. he got some of those old little tupperwear kids cups....he played with those ALL last night. they are cups! he has cups! but these things were the best to him.

i will also admit that i got a diary written by the mother. i am sure it is wrong on some level, but she was letting the other stuff stay there for whoever won the house (sheriff's auction). so at least i got it and "know" them. i haven't been able to put it down. mostly cause it is just odd. it is from 1982. i wish i knew how old the mother is now, i am assuming 60's. so back in the 80's she had to be in her 40's. i just was curious to see if there were any signs of the alzheimer's then. granted i think it is weird that she kept a diary anyways, especially cause it is not very specific at all. it is one of those little ones, where there is only 1 day per the side of a page, not room at all. she would mostly just start about the weather, and who she talked to that day. not much else. but she was seeing someone. for 10 years! and he was married!!!! it broke my heart cause about every other day, she would write that she was ending it and this was the last time she was going to see him, and then 2 days later he was there, with a little heart at the top of the page. some other pages have some letters on top too, i am sooooooooo curious what that means, haven't been able to crack the code, i can probably guess what the heart stands for, i did that my own self, but then again i was like a teenager!!

so i sort of feel guilty, and another part of me just wants to stop cause what happens when it is over, then i am going to be wondering WHAT has happened! they whole things isn't filled in, so it isn't even a year. i just have sooooooooooooo many questions, but i don't want to ask abby and let her know i am reading her mom's damn diary!!!!

then i just get sad. i mean in 1982, this lady was living her life, happy at being a new grandmother, little did she know that less than 20 years later she would be stricken with this awful disease!! in one entry she talked about her hatred of hospitals. my eyes welled with tears know that now she is sentenced to one!

life.....so sad. so unpredictable! and i am whining about dealing with kids all day. i bet she would trade me for my life in a second. it really makes you think sometimes.

well now i just depressed myself!!!!! i have to think of something to end this on a positive note..........

guess i'll talk about tv for a few.

how about lost! i love it and i hate it. it is sooooo good, but it always leaves me saying, "what the fuck?!?!"

does everyone hate that italian family of the amazing race?? it can't just be me, cause god damn, those kids would be getting the back of my hand about 10 times an episode if that were me!!! i can't wait for them to go. and do you all find it more heart breaking this season when they are eliminated?? especially with the kids!!! lord that first family, i was in damn tears for those kids!!!!!

survivor. LOVE steph!!!!! i hope she starts winning immunity SOON!!!!!

next top model. i love that nik girl. i think she is soooooooooooooo pretty!! the girls all had really nice shots tonight. that coryn is getting on my nerves though. yeah, lisa can be annoying, but i don't think she is dogging on her, she is just telling her some stuff to help her. damn don't get so defensive!!

the apprentice looks to be very interesting this season. i can't stand those 2 girls that were getting the heat last week. i was pissed that donald didn't fire that stupid girl, but if he just went by the task then he did let the right girl go, she sucked at that task!

er.......LUCA!!! HOT!!!! all i need to say!

mondays SUCK!!! there is NOTHING ON!!!!!!

do ya'll watch that earl show. that is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo damn funny! jamie presley has the BEST lines!! i wish i wrote them down from last episodes. the one i remember is when she was talking to earl about pawning his clock she say, well cigarettes don't grow on trees!! haha! she had a couple others that episode as well. GREAT show!!

desperate housewives, that show is a trip! didn't watch sunday's yet.

and extreme makeover.........still brings me to BUCKETS of tears! and guess what....they are about an hour away from me!!!! they just arrived at the house today. i told bob we may have to take a road trip over there this weekend, i don't think he will go for it though. he really doesn't want to see me drooling over ty! but come on. when i was pregnant i would lay in bed and watch that damn show all day and saturday night to see him. he is sooooooo damn cute!!!!! we will see....... i think it would be a fun experience. i know the best day would be a week from today, when the people get back to see there house, but that would be in 7 days, but i think it would be fun to go check it out, and he doesn't have to work saturday. sucks that we have so much to do here to our house! i want to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it is funny....the first episode of this season they sent the family HERE to akron, about 1/2 hour away, to get the man his new leg and therapy. now they are back here again......hhhmmmmmmm. i would just love to meet them all! i like paige alot too. i saw her once on monster house and thought she was great then. and like i said, i fell for ty the first time i watched trading spaces.

well it is almost 2am....have to go check out the new house listing, then off to bed.

night all!!!!!

~10-11-05~ Here I am!

yes, i suck at this whole updating thing lately!!

but i am just beat!!!!!! mentally and physically! well mostly mentally, which is worse!

i am glad to say that clay's sleeping has somewhat regulated, so that is not the problem anymore. he is usually asleep by 9 pm and stays that way til about 7:30am, which sucks, but it is better than 6am!!! i will just have to deal.

the mental stuff comes from trying to sell this damn house!! we FINALLY got a new realtor, and along with her came a LIST of things to do! WHAT?!?! i was prepared to do this shit back in march! but our then realtor said not to worry. so now we are rushing trying to get shit done, and everything that has re-cluttered the place in the last six month we are trying to get it organized and packed away. plus on top of that i have KIDS here every damn day which is really, REALLY earing on my nerves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! more on that later.

so this past weekend, well 2 weekends we have been doing some painting inside. it looks really nice, but i just hate not being able to FINISH a project, to COMPLETION!!!! i hate this half done shit! drives me batty! we almost have the "sunroom" done. we painted, and now have to hang the blinds we got for the slider. the living room is somewhat done, we are debating on painting the ceiling since we painted the walls. the biggest thing is the foyer/upstairs hallway. we are thinking of putting up chair rail and painting. we were just going to paint below the chair rail, but the more i think about it the top needs done more, so now we may do both of that. then i also have it in the back part of my mind to paint this computer room as well. and when i think about it those are all really the least unattractive part to the house.

the ceiling in the garage looks like crap cause it used to leak. they had some partical board or something hung up there, and pieces are falling down that had got wet. so now we are debating on just tearing the whole thing down, or just trying to fix the parts that are falling and painting it. the major thing is the one wall in the garage that is basically falling in. i got most of the water to stop coming in, but it looks like total shit and there is nothing that can be done to the big ass hole there.

in the basement there is just a bunch of clutter. bob took some more to the little storage space we have left, the rest we just have to organize and have it not look so bad. my mom brought up the idea to paint the floor to make it look a bit nicer, and i do agree, but what the hell to do with all the shit that is down there?!?! and the ceiling that we hung in the laundry room looks like hell! it is falling in. so we need to come up with some idea for that, which REALLY sucks!!!!

then i had a termite inspection, cause you need one to sell your house. i knew we had really bad damage when we bought the place....well, the guy found some tubes, but he can't say if they are old, from before we bought the house, or if they are new, but it couldn't pass inspection, which means it has to be treated.....$1300!! the good thing is that they can take it out of the closing, but i just don't see why someone would buy a house with termites, even if it is going to be treated! i mean they could be like me and be in LOVE with the house, i guess i am just worried. the termite guy said it is no big deal, that more than 1 out of every 8 houses in canton has termites. so whatever.....that is my next dilema......treat it now so i can say i have NO termites, or just wait and see if someone will buy it and just take it out of the closing....either way i am out $1300!!

so there you have it.........see why i haven't been writing! oh no, wait, the kids......lord! i don't even know what i have already written or where i left off on that matter, so excuse me if i am repeating myself.

i will start by saying that KIDS ARE MEAN LITTLE FUCKERS!!! BRUTAL!!!! i swear i don't remember that from my childhood! i don't! i wasn't mean to anyone and i don't remember anyone being mean to me! the one little girl "S", she is 10, she is a little bitch! you would never know it either, and really 99% of the time i don't think she really means it, but then WHY SAY OR DO IT THEN!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE ALL KIDS FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, CAN'T YOU JUST PLAY AND GET THE F ALONG!!!!!

ok, so i am being nice, aka stupid, and am watching them when the get home from school til their parents get home. originally i said they didn't have to pay me, then it was just bring snacks, well i thought we agreed on $30 and the mom was going to send down snacks........haven't seen any snacks and school started going on 2 months ago!!!!!!!!!! so I have been getting some snacks for them. which isn't THAT bad, i watch the 8 year old and the 10 year old, so why do the older sisters come down and eat the shit?!?!?!?!? the 14 year old will call down for the younger ones to bring her something. HELLO!!! she is at home in her own house, eat your own damn food!!!!!!!!!!!!! then it gets hard, cause some other little girls sometimes come down too, so if the girls are eating, i have to give the others some too!!!!! so needless to say, the shit i buy is gone in less than a damn week, but why should i have to buy these kids food???????????????????????????????? oh and did i mention that the mother, yes, the MOTHER sent one of the girls down a while back at like 9:30 to get something to eat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! at first i thought it was just a scam for the 14 year old to get something, but no! i talked to the mom a few days later and she apologized, but said it was that time of the month and she needed something sweet. HUH????????????????? aren't you 44 years old???????

as for the "other neighbor" situation, social services has been called, 2 times i am told, well i was witness to one, but i don't believe anything has been done about it!! the little 4 year old was dropped off today from head start, and NOONE was there to get her so the bus driver made her get back on the bus. and that has not been the first time that has happened! all i can say is that thank god their phone has been finally turned back on, so i haven't seen them for about a week now.


i need to move!!!!!!!! to save my sanity!!!!! but then what, i truly think clay will miss them! even though they aren't playing as well as the used to. he and the girls' neice, she is 18 months, used to get along great, but she started day care, and she is turning into a little brat, so now her and clay are always "at" each other. which most of it is clay, "teasing", but this girl screeches (at the top of her lungs i might add) at everything and it drives me insane! then clay is always on the 8 year old, i think it is cute as all get out, but it tends to driver her nuts sometimes, which in a way i can understand, but how can she just not love it!!! clay is so damned cute!!!!!!!!!!!! so i always have to hear, jennifer, can you tell clay to leave me alone. and i feel bad telling him to leave her alone! a lot of times it is cause they are sitting watching tv or something and i think he wants to play! so now it is getting to the point that i know as soon as they get here my child turns psycho and i have to yell at him every 3 seconds, and that is getting real OLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just soooooooooooooooooo regret 2:45pm nowdays! and man do i need to be out of here by the time school is out. what then?!?!?!?! who is going to watch the kids all day?!?!?! right now the oldest sister 21, doesn't leave for work til about 1pm, but she is planning on moving out, then what?!?!?!?!?!?! i am getting a headache just thinking about it!!!!!!!!!


oh more house stuff.........then the load lady kind of pissed me off, well she didn't, but told me news i didn't like. i guess that FHA will only finance $172,000! well the house i want is going for $194,900 right now!!!!!!!!!!!!! then she went on to say something about debt to income ratio, blah, blah, blah.........so i am trying to look at cheaper houses that only have about 80% of what i want in a house when the one i want is about 99% of what i want!!!!!!!! again we aren't really trying to get "into" a house yet, we don't want to get our hearts broken like we did with that house in canton south. hopfully we can have an open house the 23rd with the new realtor. she seems to be on the ball, plus she drives a nice lexus, so she must be doing something right! hopefully she can get us out of here.

i go to the girlie doctor next week, then we are going to be trying for baby #2. i really want to be out of here by then, but we are running out of time! i planned on already being moved and pregnant by now!!!!! damn it!!!!


it is just really hectic here. by the time clay is fianlly out and i get downstairs it is after 9pm, so then we try to watch all our shows so bob can be to bed by 11pm. then i watch my soaps and what not and try to be done with that by 12:30am, and i would like to be in bed by then (look at the time now!!) so by the time i actually get in bed it is about 1:30am. who knows what time i actually fall asleep, i am starting to have THOSE THOUGHTS again, and can't get to sleep. that soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sucks!!!! bob's alarm usually goes off around 6am, and i swear he doesn't get out of bed til 6:30-7am!!!!!! i haven't really been awake for that alot lately thank god!! i doubt i am getting more than 5 hours of sleep a night! so then when i finally drag myself out of bed in the morning, that is only cause i can just imagine what clay is into, and i usually am right, i am dead tired and just lay on the couch dozing off and on all day. i don't usually "wake" up til about noon. then i am busy racing around trying to figure out what to make for supper and clean up the house just in time for the kids to get there and mess it all up again!

well i better end it now, it is almost 1:30am!!

geeze, aren't you glad i finally updated! haha!!! watch what you wish for!