is anyone thereeeeeeeeeeeeeee???????

yeah, i haven't been around much huh?!

my last post was in november of 2007. actually for all of 2007 i had 5 posts! haha!

well it has been a year.....guess i will update you all, briefly.

well we bought a house, love it! not the bills that come with it, but love the house and area.

in june 2007, we finally went to see a fertility specialist. i really don't know why we waited so long!!!!!! i got pregnant on my own in june, but found out found out it was another tubal!!!! so i had to do that whole shot thing again, which scared me to death, i was terrified that the same thing was going to happen like back in 2003.

but thankfully everything went as it should, so then i had to have a laproscopy, to chek and make sure there was no damage to my only tube! i was TERRIFIED to be put to sleep!!! and they wouldn't let bob back there with me while i was waiting to go into surgery, so that sucked more!! at least the other time i was put to sleep, i really didn't know what was happeneing and i really didn't have a choice since it was have surgery or die! so i was queer, i wrote letters to all my family and friends, in case something were to happen to me.............i could have just had another HSG, but that was almost the most awful thing i have been through. my biggest fear was the "pain" i was going to feel when they put the thing into my uterus, but nooooooooooooooooo it was when they shot the dye in there!! talk about cramps and pain from hell!!!!!!!! then they expected me to roll onto my side!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank heavens when they finally drained all the stuff, but then when i sat up, i thought i was going to pass out! i have only felt like that one other time and it was the most crappy feeling. it sucked!!!! so i did NOT want to do that again!! plus with the laproscope thing, if there was any damage or scar tissue he could remove that while in there, so there was a chance i would have to have it anyways, so i just opted for that from the get go........

turned out there was some scar tissue that was pulling on my good tube, don't know if it made a difference or not. i did not get pregnant that next cycle. so then he started me on clomid, to help produce more eggs. that worked great, i had a few eggs developing on both side, so then we just decided to get IUI instead of waiting. so poor bob had to do his thing in a cup 2 more times.....i got my HCG shot on saturday, that makes you ovulate and 1 IUI procedure on sunday and one on monday($250 a pop!!). waiting the week+ to see if the test comes up positive was terrible!!! i think i took one of the early tests and woohoo, i was pregnant!!! now we just had to make sure the booger was where it was supposed to be, IN MY UTERUS already!!!!!!!!!!!!! and it made it there just fine!!!

and on July 24, 2008 we got this:



Cole Joseph Ewell
July 24, 2008 3:34 PM
8 lbs. 8 oz
19 1/2 inches


can i just bitch for a minute and say that whoever decided that the beds at the aultman maternity ward should be labor and delivery beds the WHOLE length of your stay should be strapped to one of those and then tortured, apparently it was a man!!! those are the most god awful things ever invented!!!! i would rather give birth then have to be moved to another bed, instead of being stuck on that thing for 2+ days!! i was sooooooooooooooooooooo miserable!!!! i even tried to sleep on the god awful pull out sofas they have there and those were almost as bad! i am sure bob liked that better than sleeping on the "recliner" and floor like he did when clay came, but come on!!!!!!!!!!! i am sure that hospital makes enough to give the mother and father some damn comfort, hell i am paying them enough for it!!!!!

so i will tell you all about the "nurse" in the ER who i was about to hill that day, another time. i have to get up to watch my shows........cole was up at 6am today, if not before, and i need to get to bed!

just wanted to check back in and say hopefully i will be here more often..........

take care!!

Sad day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i have had a bad day!!!!!!

today we got to tell our son that "his", meaning MY, cat had died. hit by a car. so that was awful!!

he asked where oreo was and i said heaven. so then he wanted to go visit him. SOB!!!!

then he said he was going to have someone take him real high up in the sky so he could see oreo, meaning heaven. SOB!!!!

of course I am the one upset here. even though i got these animals "for" him, they are MINE!!!! i am the one who tends to and cares for them!


i am just bitter because i have a very, very bad track record with animals. do you know in my 34 years of life that the oldest animal i have had was maybe, maybe..........6 or 7. that is a very big if!!!

since being 16 (and there were a few more before this) i have lost 9 animals!!! and in 1996 i lost my father, a month later my dog, and then within that year 3 cats!!!! that was a very bad year.

and yes, i know, they are animals, and some may think i am being very overly dramatic here............but i am the type of person who really loves their animals!! and again, YES, i know there are much worse things happening in the world, and worse things could happen to actual people, but my heart is really broken.

oreo was a wonderful cat!! he put up with so much stuff, squeezing, and grabbing and carrying and so on from clay..........but this cat would NOT run away from him, would NOT bite or scratch him......he would lay there. and this cat even SLEPT with clay!!!!

he is actually the nicest cat i have ever had! most of my cats didn't like people except me, but this was the friendliest cat ever!! he was great!!! even my mom who hates animals, said we should have had some sort of "service" for him, cause he was such a good cat!!

so here is to you oreo........i'll miss you sooooooooo much!!!!




*********for some reason i cannot add photos**********

check out http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=72901847&blogID=324937727








well seeing all those makes me even more depressed!!!!!!

thanks for listening to my cry!!

jennifer

what the hell blogger???????

well trish, i signed in to leave you a comment and just went to my profile from there, and then it let me on here to post.......

i don't know why i can't just sign in like normal?!

well hell..........i don't even know where i left off with any of you.......

i don't even know if you all know what is going on with me.......if you do you can skip down, if you don't read on, and if you don't care then, well, just don't read it then i guess..........

so we have been trying to get pregnant again forever! 3 years to be exact. it was probably about 4 years ago that i had an ectopic and lost my left tube.........

then august of 2006 i had a miscarriage....i started to see a fertility specialiast in june of this year, then in july i found out i was pregnant.......IN MY DAMN TUBE AGAIN!!!! so i had the shot that disolves it, then in august i had to have a surgery to check my right tube to make sure there was no damage from the ectopic. while there he removed scar tissue from the emergency surgery i had to have from my original ectopic, so i thought all was well.

i was very hopefully when i found out i was going to ovulate on my right in september. but NOT pregnant!!

so now i was started on clomid pills. they stimulate ovulation. so i went today for ANOTHER ultrasound and it looks as if i am going to ovulate on my right, but it is not time yet. i have to go back in 2 days......well my dr isn't down here all the time, they also have an office in akron. so of course all this is happening on the days they aren't down here.........and of course the days they aren't down here they only have morning apts!!

well i have a child in school!!!!! and damn it i don't like driving on the flippin high way, especially all the way to akron, yes, i know it is not far, but i don't care!!!

so i had to make the apt for saturday, in akron................I HAVE TO BE THERE AT 8AM!!!!!!!!!!!!

HELLO.............saturday is the day i get to sleep for my precious hearts content!!!! i soooooooooooo look forward to saturdays!!!!!!! i love bob even more BECAUSE of saturdays!!!!!!!!!!!! those of you who know me will understand all that.......

so i guess i am just here to bitch!!!! this whole trying to have a baby is wearing me down!!! to make it worse it is not like i even have the time to take a break, or take our time!!!!

i am going to be 35 this year!! and worse clay is already 5!!! i did NOT want 5 years between my kids!! i want them to be able to play together and grow up close......and i am afraid that time has already passed!!!

but bob wants another, and clay drew a picture the other day, with daddy, mommy, me (clay, and baby brother!! he want a sibling!!!

part of me wants another one for them, and part of me doesn't. i am an only child. i know the pros of that...............i also know the cons of that.

oh and also on this clomid..........you are supposed to try it like 3 or 4 times before going on to the next "treatment/procedure" which would be artificial insemination. which my insurance doesn't cover by the way.................i just want to do that damn it!!!! i don't want to have to wait 3 or 4 more times, cause for me that is like 6-8 or more tries, cause who know when i am going to ovulate on my right (you normally switch left-right-left-right). i am not a very patient person....i used to be, but i guess having kids and a husband took that away from me!!

so there........i bitched......got it all out!!!

still don't feel better!!!!

hope you all are having a better time of it than me right now!!! take care!!

HELLOOOOOOOOO OUT THERE......

anyone still read this thing????

since the changes made here i have had a heck of a time signing in there.

i finally got it to work.

i may start posting again. my most recent posts have been over at myspace.

keep cheking back...........if you care!! :)

~3-25-07~ What to do?????

so here i sit contemplating cleaning up this house and putting it back up for sale!

we found a house that we just LOVE!! not like our dream house that we almost had last time, but this is pretty close.

i am not showing it to ya or even going on and on about it, cause everytime i go into it on here i jinx myself. i have probably said too much already.

but, UGH, to have to make this house "showable" again........

where does all this shit come from????? we had this house so nice and not cluttered, but now.........clutter city!!!!

and now with 2 dogs, who's bright idea was that?!, my back yard is like a big mud pitt. and i just have so much junk!!!!!!!!! yet i cannot throw any of it away!! i seriously don't even think we have anymore room in our 10x15 storage place either....SERIOUSLY!!!

i just don't know what to do......the only thing that really sucks about this place is that it is about 20 minutes west of where i am now. which would suck big time having to take clay back and forth to school everyday! and he wouldn't be able to go to both schools anymore. his tuesday and thursday school starts at 9 and i pick him up at 11:20, then his everyday school starts at 11:30 and ends at 2. his first school is about 2 minutes from me (his second is about 5 minutes), so i drop him off and go home, til i have to get him to take him to the other.

but hell i can't be driving 20 min home after droping him off, the 20 min to get him to take him to his other school, then 20 min home, then 20 back to pick him up at 2.

i mean yeah, i guess that would only be for another year, then he would start kindergarden.......and i definitely don't want him going to massillon city schools, really any public school for that matter.........speaking of.......

i requested info on this private school that i wanted to check out, canton country day school..........HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA do you want to guess how much it costs for 1 year of kindergarden..................................$10,000!!!!!!! yes TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS!!!!!!!!!! i can't even imagine what the higher grades cost!!

so i am thinking that my child will be going to some public school, much to my dismay!

i have to go get this awful procedure done thursday. it is called hysterosalpingography. it is to try and find out why i am not getting pregnant!! bob took his test and he is ok, so i guess that means it is me!! so they are going to shoot dye into my uterus and fallopian tubes to see if there is any blockage. fun times!!!!!!!!!!

well, i will end this on a clay note........somehow that little fart knows my password to get on my computer!!! i had to password it cause he will get on here and download a bunch of games and shit from yahoo and everywhere else! mind you the boy has his OWN computer(yes, he is only 4!), yet wants to be on mine all the time.

so i was in bed the other day and he comes in, "mommy i was on your computer with your name" so it dawned on my that somehow he knew my password was my name and he sure enough typed it in and wa-la, he is on my computer! how i have no idea!! i have never told him what my password is......and i sure don't really let him see me type it in. i know he only has to see something one time to get it, somehow he got it! now if he would only use his powers for good instead of evil, i'd be ok!!!!

take care everyone!

testing........

trying out the whole new blogger/google thing..

i do have a lot to say, since it has been a while, but it is late and i need to get to bed!!!

hopefully i will catch ya'll up this week sometime!

~12-1-06~ CUTE!!!!

i thought i better start writing this stuff down. every time clay says or does something cute, i think i should write this down, then put it off, then forget......well no longer!

so on that note, here are some cute things that have came out of his mouth lately....

he always says "last morning", meaning the other day. guess he gets if from me, i always say the other day and it could have been 2 months ago, bob always laughs at me when i say the other day..

he came up to me the other day(haha), really, with a bag of cheese curls in one hand and a bag of cheetos in the other. he then told me he wanted to eat all of it so he could get FAT like me! i was like WHAT, what do you mean?? then he comes over and puts his hand over my hand, then says biggie. meaning tall. we always tell him he has to eat so he can grow big and strong. but that was nice, my 4 year old calling me fat!! yeah, i am fat buddy, and it is ALL because of YOU, mister!! mommy was nice and skinny til i carried you for 9 months!!! i didn't say that, didn't think he would understand! :)

i know there were a lot more, but it is 3am, i need to get to sleep.

i will leave you with this last funny from my mom.

she calls my cell phone and gets my VOICEMAIL

"hey, you guys there? (long pause) it is 6 o'clock (long pause) you there? (long pause), well call me later........

i have told her before, MOM it is NOT an answering machine!! i cannot hear you when you leave messages until i call and check my voice mail. but there she goes, talking and waiting for me to pick up the phone. another funny thing, half the time i AM trying to call her back, but it is busy, cause she is sitting there waiting for me to pick up the damn phone!!!!

oh my famuily!! love 'em to death!!!!

take care!

~11-21-06~ HUH????

well i finally talked to my friend, where bob was the other night, and got the whole story of what went on and i am just dumb founded. well, not really.........

bob became close with her boyfriend. they watch football together on the weekends, and are actally a lot a like in some bad ways, another entry, another day....

anyways, he went over there to watch the ohio state game. at some point somehow amy and her guy, started to get into it. you'd really have to know her to know how escilated arguments can get, again another entry, another time, when i have much time. if she is right or if she is wrong.

so he was drunk, and mistook something she said, and all hell broke loose from there. they were going at it, she hit him, it was a big ole mess, and bob was sticking around trying to keep peace.

that is LONG story very short!!

that is all fine and well. that is one of the things i love about him. he will try to help people out when they need it.

my whole thing is WHY DID YOU NOT CALL HOME AND TELL ME ANY OF THIS???????????????

instead just let my mind go and wonder if you were dead or in jail or something?!?!

then i didn't even get this story from him!!!!!! i haven't even spoken to him until tonight.

when i asked him why he didn't say anything to me, he said that he was emabarrassed and disgusted with himself.

the reason he didn't tell me his reason or excuse is because he had none. there was no reason for what transpired that night.

i guess i got it, but it still seems a bit odd. unless he is taking to heart a lot of stuff that i have said to him recently. i told him sorry was no longer acceptable. he has used it too much so now it has no meaning. so he was being especially nice and attentive tonight, so i don't know........

i am just tired, and the whole thing was just fucking stupid! especially since the people we are talking about are all in our 30's!! what the hell??

yes, i may get bored with my life sometimes, but i do not want any kind of drama like that. thank you god for the boredom!!!!

**an update on the dogs. you would not believe how long it took them to finally go outside!!! they wanted none of it! it was too funny. i doubt that it taught them a lesson, cause 1, they are dogs and 2, they are male, sorry for you guys that that don't apply too, just talking in general here.........

anyways, they did not go out until about 10-11 this evening!

and to mike to answer your question from myspace. the reason i gave them money is cause i think it is WONDERFUL what they do. if i had the space and means i would definitely open a rescue shelter. i cannot even stomach the humane (NOT) society or the pound. i just don't see how they can just get a dog for a week, then his time is up and down it goes. breaks my heart!!! i love that these people go to those awful places and rescue the "death row" pup and kitties.

and to comment to someone from people magazine that wrote(in response to rescue shelters) "instead of providing housing, the shelters should put their energy into spaying and neutering", that is exactly what rescue shelters do! all the ones i have looked into, they will not adopt out a dog or cat unless they have been fixed first!! no exceptions! the non-humane society give you some voucher or credit, but really, i don't half the people follow through, so there is no guarantee they they are getting them fixed.

i got bernie through a rescue shelter. i drove almost an hour away to get him. and it did cost more, to cover expenses that they incur, but i didn't mind. when i was looking for him, it broke my heart to see all the HUNDREDS AND HUNDREDS of animals that needed homes on petfinder.com. and that was just in my little area!!! very sad!! then again i am a softie!


well it is a school day tomorrow, so i need to get to bed. 7am comes WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY toooooooooooooooo early for me!!!!

take care!

~11-20-06~ Lost and found

blogger was down for a bit, so i updated my blog over at myspace.

i hope this link works. http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=72901847&blogID=195561360&Mytoken=2984B36D-AC10-4585-8CE56807D6BB29B820543807