~11-4-05~ I'm speechless!

LITTERALLY!!!!!!


for some reason i am losing my voice! i don't have a real sore throat or anything. when i cough it hurts, but that is cause it is mostly dry coughs. but i really don't feel bad at all! what the hell?!?!?! and even like i said when i cough, it doesn't hurt in my lungs, just my damn throat! weird!! hopefully i will still have a voice in the morning.


clay seems a bit better. last night he slept mostly all the way through. he cried out around 3am, and i was up to go into his room and then i heard nothing else. he did however, come in my room around 5am. i fought with him, but i took him right back to his bed, and thankfully he fell back to sleep and i don't think he was up til about 8am.

so hopefully he is on the mend. i much rather be sick that see him sick. i just hope whatever i have i don't give back to him!!!!!!!!!!!

AGAIN, why the hell aren't any of these other kids sick?!?!?! they are the ones who are probably bringing this shit into my house!!!!!!!!!!! hell we don't go anywhere! so it has to be them bringing it to us, but i never see them sick and miserable!!!!!


no news for the crazy neighbors. ashley did call today, i felt bad and answered. WE ALREADY KNOW I AM CRAZY! i still feel bad for her. the REASON i feel bad, if you remember, she is slow. she isn't all there. and i believe she was doing well for herself until she fell under the influence of her "foster mom". and i don't think her "foster mom" truly cares for ashley (or her other kids or herself for that matter), so really ashley has NO one! can you even imagine a life like that?!?! at 21, probably even functioning at a lower level. to have NOONE!!!!!!!!

i mean the poor girl is in jail and calls me. and not even to really say anything!! she had noone else to call! i know i am a big ole sap! i'm sorry, i just feel too much sometimes!!!


in other depressing news, i think i am starting my period!!!!!!!!!! which sucks! especially since i wasted 2 damn pregnancy tests!!!! to even stick it to me more, i took the damn test this morning, and i am gonna damn spot this evening!!! thanks for shattering the hopes i had!!

there is still that like 1% of me that is just hoping the spotting is from implantation. with my ectopic, i started to spot when i was supposed to have my regular period, so i just thought i was having a VERY LIGHT one for a change. that is normal sometimes, NOT IN MY CASE THEN!! but we should DEFINITELY know in a few days.

if not back to the sex! UGH! not to make it sound awful, but my cycles are off a few days all the time, so in determining when i am ovulating, there are several days it could be, so to be safe it would be best to have sex for like a week straight! that is a damn lot of sex!!!!!!!!!!!! i am not in my 20's anymore!!!! i know bob will be loving it, what guy wouldn't! but it sort of takes the fun out of it ya know.


i could always get those ovulation predictor kits, but my whole thing is, that i still won't know what the hell side i am ovulating from!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT is what i need to know!! if it is the left, i'm screwed! (double!) then it was all basically for nothing. then we have to do the whole wait it out again. this sucks! i really, REALLY feel for couples who have been trying for a mightly long time. that has to be so terribly frustrating and disappointing. i don't know if i would have that in me. well, if not this time, hopefully next time, for everyone who is trying!


i have to pay bills and that sucks! looking at that nice paycheck and knowing it is almost all going to be gone in about a half hour sucks!!!!!!!!!


well that is about all for me..........good night!


P.S. everyone wish tricia GOOD LUCK on her new job she starts tomorrow! go get 'em girl!!!!