~9-10-04~ Words cannot even express.........

how awful of am experience i just went through!!!!! that was the single worse, painful, horrific, terrifying, monsterous, agonizing, distressing...... i could go on an on, but i am in pain and am only sitting here long enough to smoke (yes, i know i am not supposed to, but if you went through the trauma i went through today....shut up!)

i have no clue why, my husband, who supposedly loves me, did not shout at me and say, "GIRL ARE YOU INSANE?!?! YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BE PUT TO SLEEP TO HAVE YOUR TOOTH PULLED?!?! YOU NEED TO BE PUT TO SLEEP TO HAVE YOUR TOOTH PULLED!!!!!!!!!"

why did noone tell me this?!?!?!?!?! does everyone secretly hate me?!?!

my dentist was a insensitive, lunatic asshole, i really want to think of more words, but i hurt too much. really i may whine and say i am a baby, but really, i am a pretty strong person. especially when it comes to pain. but when that man shot those shots in my face, it was totally intollerable! it hurt worse than my tooth already felt!!!! and did not stop!!!! not to mention he wasn't a nice, good, caring doctor, who actually said there was going to be a "pinch" before each one to warn you. oh hell no. he just shot you and then basically yelled at you for almost jumping off the table.

at that point i lost almost lost it. i hurt so bad, i started crying! i was in there sobbing for a good 10 minutes, hundreds of people passing my open door, did anyone come and check on me?!?!? no. then he comes back in.......and i tell him i am in PAIN. so he starts pushing around and YES it all hurt. so he is getting shitty with me. "well you are going to feel some pressure and pushing" "you are going to have to be not so jumpy" well what the fuck?! so he hit one spot and again, i damn near jumped off the table again, while screaming that is pain not pressure. then the nurse goes, yes he is numbing you more. don't you people warn people about this shit?!?!?!?

so at this point i physically and mentally lose it!!! i am no longer just sobbing. i don't really know what a panic attack is like, but i think i came damn close to having one! oh my lord, i just wanted to call my mom! when the nurse finally came in, i told her, i don't think i can do this without being put to sleep. so she goes and gets the doctor. he says we should at least try and lets check to see if i am numb. so he pokes, just pressure no real pain. so he says "your numb" so i even asked, so it is just going to be pressure like that no more pain? oh yeah. well they fucking lied to my ass.

as the man is RIPPING my tooth out, i am litterally screaming. he is yelling at me to "hold still", "calm down", and "put your arms down" well buddy FUCK YOU!!!!! if he wasn't in the process of ripping my tooth out i would have shouted that at him.

granted it only took not even a minute. i was the physically most painful minute of my life, not to mention that i did not have supportive, caring, compassionate people around me made it worse.

i freaked out and sobbed, screamed, cried my eyes out all the way home and even after. i seriously think i am mentally scarred from that experience!!!! it was was awful, and that doesn't even accurately cover it.

my mom was like, "i've had many teeth pulled" well i don't know what the fuck. cause if everyone felt the pain that i felt, i don't know how it is legal. i don't even want to go back to this man to take out my stitches! i don't ever want to see his face again.

i honestly don't think i was numb enough. as i wrote here before. that is like my biggest fear in going to the dentist. cause i don't get numb like normal people, i always need extra.

i have a pounding headache, and my eyes hurt so bad and are soooooo puffy. right this second those may be worse than my tooth. but at least now i have to full strength vicodin. so hopefully i won' t have anymore trouble sleeping. matter of fact, i'm heading back there now!