~9-9-04~ AWAKE

yes i am awake and i a GREAT deal of pain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i was going to call and leave a nasty message on my dentist's machine, but since i can't find tthe damn perscription he originally gave me.........i have looked all over this freaking house!!! i just thought it was regular ibuprofen, here it has hydrocodone, which is vicodin in it. so it would probably help if i could find it.............anyways i can't so i called to see if he could call me in a refill. i didn't tell him i lost it, but i got it back on friday and i only had 24 pills, so i could have been through them already..............

so maybe if i start popping those it will help. i am going to call the oral surgeon and see if he can get me in today. i'm not holding my breath, but you never know. if i do, then i have to find a sitter cause bob is going in 4 hours early today!!! AGH!!!!

i took some "pain pills" he gave me around 6. they sure aren't working!!! i don't know what they were, but i wouldn't call them pain pills. so now i don't know if i should go take some more advil or what!?!?!? i don't know what to do, i just know i am in god awful pain!!!!!!!!!!

where in the friggin hell can these pills be?!?!? i just re-searched my house!!!!! how can they be nowhere?!?!? i just know clay had to get his hands on them, but what could he have done with them. i have looked everywhere!!!!!!!!!

i just took 3 more advil. my stomach is probably being eaten away with all the different pills i have taken in the last 48 hours. and i am NOT a pill person! so you know i am in serious pain if i am popping pills every 15 minutes!!!!

and why the hell does this happen at night!? it's like soon as the clock hit 2AM, the pain starts!!!! what is that all about?! i mean all day i was fine, took the occasional pill, but no big deal. then BAMMMMMMMMMMMM 2am comes and i want to die!!! and nothing will help!!!!!

oh and great! now i am getting a head ache. how do i have a headache will all this shit in my system?!?!?!?

i just want to cry!!!!!!!!!!!! that is how miserable i feel!! but i know it won't help and is just a waste of energy, which i don't have since i haven't slept in 2 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

god, oh god, please PLEASE let them be able to get me in today so i can get this tooth out of my head!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is insane! bob told me a horror story of a tooth he had to have pulled, so that freaked me out, but at this point i really don't care. i'd even be willing to do it without being numb, anything i just want it out of me!!!! if i had the will and strength, and was crazy, i would take some pliers to it myself! that is how desperate i am.

sorry to ramble, but i don't know what else to do, i am literally going insane here!!!!

why does 9AM seem so far away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! why don't these people open any sooner?! hell, if i was in no pain and sleeping peacefully, 9AM would already be here damn it!!

well i am sure you all don't want to listen to me whine anymore. maybe i'll go wake up bob and make his listen to me. or maybe i'll go stick my head in the oven.......hell, i have an electric oven!

i just can't win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!