~8-13-06~ Please excuse my pity party

well blogger fucked me again!!!!!!!!!!!

i think there is some sort of jinx here.........

i think i am miscarrying. i went and spent ALL DAY in the ER. and i mean all damn day! from like 1 to 6, and what did i find out????

NOT A FUCKING THING!!!! i have to go see my ob tomorrow.

what the fuck is that?! i am sooooooooo pissed! what was the point of me sitting there waiting for the blood work to come back if they weren't going to tell me the results?!?!?!

they will be hearing about that tomorrow, that is bullshit! so meanwhile we have to sit, wait, and worry til tomorrow!!!

i am pretty sure that is what it is though.

the bleeding by itself wouldn't really bother me, but my boobs have totally STOPPED hurting. i mean not one bit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and the pain they were in the past few days, and all of my last pregnancy...........i think that is the biggest indicator that it is no more.

so, yeah, i don't know why life is against me. meanwhile my friend is pregnant, not married and not even sure who the father is....no real means to support another child, and then my nail girl is pregnant again, not married, and her boyfriend just graduated high school. i don't know how she is going to support another child as well. and here i am....married, financially ok, ready and trying to have a baby and i CANNOT!!!! aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

and yes, i am aware and happy that i do have 1. i know there are many people out there who cannot even have that and i am sorry for them, but this is MY pity party here, so it is all about me!!!!!!!!!!!

it just sucks......and i should have just stuck to the whole not telling anyone til i knew everything was ok. but nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. clay was talking about the baby the other day. so that is going to suck if he remembers and brings it up again.

i was already getting tired of the trying to get pregnant......this may have just pushed me to the fuck it i am done stage!!!! i really don't want to go through this anymore! the disappointment sucks!! and not so much for me, but i am totally heartbroken for bob.

so there...get out the violins......play them for me and bring the cheese.......