~11-17-04~ Up on the rooftop reindeer's paws....

well these reindeer's must weigh about 200+ pounds!!!!!!!!!!!

actually they have started my roof. yea!!!! you know i want to go out and watch, but i know clay will just be trying to get into everything, and i don't need him stepping on a nail or getting hit by falling debris. maybe after they get it all tore off we will go out.

well, probably not, cause i will just get pissed. myyard looks like white trash hell!!! then to top it all off, i told bob to move clay's toys from out on the patio, so they wouldn't get roof shit all over them. did he?!?!?! i'm sure you can all guess.......... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. well surprise, surprise!!!! sure doesn't fucking surprise me!!! since he is a worthless fool!!!!

yes, we aren't getting along. truthfully i don't even see us getting along anymore. he will probably read this and get even more pissed, but ya know what, i don't really care!!!! apparently it doesn't work when i try to talk to him, so maybe reading everything will work.......doubt it!!!

the thing that sucks is that he is such a great person........or he used to be. i really can't see myself being happy with anyone else, but i'm NOT happy now!!! if it were just me in the situation i could maybe deal with it, but it is CLAY and i, and CLAY is the most important.

we got into it last night and he is yelling at the top of his lungs. mind you my child's room is right across the hall, and he is a light sleeper. i told him a dozen times to be quite so you don't wake up clay!!! but he is a selfish bastard so he keeps yelling. which he was yelling cause i told him that he doesn't do as much with and for clay that he could. so he yells.........which totally proved my point!!!!!!!!!!!!!! why scream and chance waking your poor innocent child up from his sleep?!?!?!? think of someone else other than yourself and your fucking poker game, ok?!?!?!

which is another point. all he does, if he isn't working is play fucking poker online. which is fine. i'm on here alot..........but not for hours straight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the other night, he never went to sleep, he was up playing, yet i had to get up to get clay when he woke up. um, excuse me, but if he was already up, and he is clay's father, why didn't he get up and get him?!?!?!?!

and if he is not going to get clay, and he is up, go fucking do something around this house that needs done, like fucking leaves, of the fucking pool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the other day, he was great........he got up with clay and let me sleep in for a bit. he came up around 10 to get me up, got upset that i wasn't straight up and out of bed (unlike the 20 times it takes when i try to get him up out of bed). so i get up, do my thing and go down. he goes up to bed. about an hour and half later i come upstairs..........he is on the fucking computer, playing the fucking poker!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so WHY was it so important that i get up?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

or he will say that he is going up to smoke a cigarette. he won't come down for an hour! i have to scream at him to get downstairs so i can go up and get clay's bed ready to sleep. the other day he went up, and when he finally came back down he asked if dinner was ready. i told him it was ready before he went up!!!! then he asked if i already ate. well hell yes!!!! i wasn't about to wait an hour or god knows how long to eat. i'm glad it was cold, and i didn't even offer to heat it up! WTF!!!!! how about spending some time with your family!!! i'm not even concerned with me anymore, but spend some time with your son!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you are home, you aren't working, you aren't doing any "man" job around the house, so play with your son!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is that so wrong to me to ask or want?!?!?!? and then you get pissed when i say that you don't do as much as you could with and for him?!?!?!

how is he going to learn to be a good man, a good husband, and a good father if he has bob as example?!?! that is the point i am trying to get through to him!!!!!!!!!!!!! but for some reason he ain't getting it!!! YES he works, and he gets as much overtime as he can and that is wonderful, some men don't even do that, but THAT IS ALL HE DOES!!!!!!!!!!! and, granted he didn't really have a father growing up (his real dad died when he was 5), but i know what a good person he is. i know the kind of love he has in him..........so what the hell?!?!?!?

and if it were up to him, we would already have another?!?!?!? we had sex the other day, and if i am pregnant, i'm going to kill him, cause i cannot do this anymore!!!!!

ok, i think people are about to fall through the ceiling onto me!!!!!!! god!!!!!!!!!! something just fell off my bookshelf!!!!!!!!!! and my windows are rattling like crazy!!!

i think they are almost done ripping it off. especially since they are over me right now, and they started on the far side. they have been up there for about an hour now. i wanted to have some before and after pictures, but of course i am lazy, so it didn't happen. the big difference will be with the siding and new windows. i will DEFINITELY have pictures of that!

well since i don't have hours to spend on the computer i'll get off here and go take care of my child, like a normal loving, caring, responsible adult!!!