~10-16-04~ {sigh}

it didn't work. of course he didn't totally listen to me on what i wanted to build on the crib.....but whatever it didn't work.

i'm sending him in the morning to get that tent thing. i'm pretty sure that isn't going to work either. i've seen my kids temper and strength. so i am sure he will have the damn thing ripped down or open or whatever. but i guess we will at least try.

a good thing, i was in bed tonight at 10:30. of course my child didn't fall asleep til about 11:30. and then i got up. i should have just stayed there, but i had to get up and do my regular stuff before i go to bed. i am going back there shortly though, in case we are up at 5am again!!!!

bob and i are supposed to go out tomorrow for sweetest day. probably just a movie and to eat. there isn't much playing that i want to see, and he probably doesn't want to see what i want, so it may just be out to eat. then of course we have to be home early cause i don't even want to put my mom through trying to put clay down for the night, even if the tent thing does work, cause i am sure a huge crying fit will be accompanied. and she can't stand to hear or let him cry. so i just better be here for that.

i don't know if it is the terrible 2's just starting or what it is. but i am beginning to think i don't have the patience to be a mother!!!!

a few days ago it started with he now knows how to get his tray off his high chair. so you CANNOT leave him alone with food on his tray or it will be off and all over the floor. that is how i used to be able to go to the bathroom in peace in the morning, while he is eating his breakfast.....go to the bathroom in peace in the afternoon, while he is eating lunch, and how i would cook supper for me and bob and actually eat, while he was eating supper. now all of that is non exsistant!!!!!!!!!!!

then this whole crib fiasco started.

THEN tonight when i was at my wits end, i came up to smoke a cigarette, and that little shit, put his chairs in front of the gate and crawled over the gate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so does this mean i can do nothing anymore!!!!! i am not one for chages is life or routines, so this is very upsetting to me! i know it will all settle down soon and we will get in a new routine, but in the meatime i am dying here!!

what happened to my perfect child?! he would never cry or be bad. now look at him! he is starting to test me all the time, and i was sooooo not ready for this. he has little fits now and throws stuff. after the first thing he throws he will go get something else and look at me before he throws it cause he knows he is going to get in trouble!!! yelling and spanking don't work, so i tried time out, which i never thought i would hear my self say those words, but i have to pick him up, tell him time out and then hold him. that is what actually gets to him and pisses him off! so add that to my list above of what is going on now.

wishful thinking i can attribute all this to his tooth that is coming in, so that will pass soon, instead of having to survive a whole year of the terrible 2's! like i said wishful thinking!!!!