~5-24-04~ Moral Dilemma........

well i have a dilemma. i guess i know what the "right" thing to do is, but i actually have a reason for not doing it!

we went and did windows for the lady who i am hoping to start working for. i wrote previously that we were no longer cleaning windows for the client i previously had and that has made a major problem in our finances. like we don't have enough money to cover bills, let alone food, gas and all that.

so it was a total blessing that she called and asked us to do windows for her. anyways, we get there, and it is hot, there is no central air in the house yet!!!! the windows are awful! they are cheap pieces of shit, that barely open, streak, and just suck!!!!

anyways.....before we left bob commented that he was going to smoke in the house and for me not to bitch, well why would i NOT bitch!!! you can't smoke in these houses!!!!

so i am upstairs doing the windows and i smell smoke. so i have the window half closed, they tilt in and they suck so when you close them water drips from the top that you just cleaned, so i leave them part unhinged, so i can tilt it back in and wipe it when it drips. so i smell smoke, so i go to the steps to yell at him for smoking in the house, big gust of wind, windows flies in and shatters!!!!!!!!!! WTF!!!!! i have been doing this since 1999 and have never broke anything!!!!!!!! and to make it worse. after we no longer had the previous client or any others for that matter, i cancelled my business insurance!!!! so i scream for bob. he runs up, with the goddamned cigarette (least of my worries at this point). so now i don't know what the fuck to do. so i contemplated calling her, but i don't have insurance, i don't have the $$ to give it to them out of pocket, god knows how much they would charge me, and i really, really, really need this damn job right now, i can' screw it up!!!!!

so bob comes up with the idea that we would just take the glass out since it is just the outside pane and the inside is perfectly intact. so he starts on that........oh the other great thing, is that she said she was going to come up there to see how we were doing sometime. so now we don't know when the hell she is going to be there! so i go down to do the windows facing the street, so i can see when she pulls in. so it seems like an eternity. i'm sweating worse than i was. wanting him do bad to hurry the hell up. i go up one time and he has cuts all over his fingers and he is bleeding on the rug.......AGH!!!!!!! not bad, but still. so i'm trying to wipe up blood drips and wanting him to hurry.

so eventually she pulls in, i yell up to him that she is here. next thing i know he is downstairs. so i'm chatting, hoping she won't go upstairs. i see her kid going up there and i am stressed, then her husband........AGH!!!!!!!! so she is walking around and i go and ask bob where he hid all the glass. what did he say?? i didn't. if they go up there they will see it. WHAT?!?!?!?!?! what the fuck was the point of me yelling up there telling you she was here!!!!!!!!! so i'm about to pass out. at one point i went in the bathroom and contemplated locking myself in. i knew she went upstairs. so i am sitting there, dripping with sweat. then i hear her back downstairs talking with bob, saying nothing. i finally go back out to fact the music and NOTHING is said!!! so the FINALLY leave and i run up there to see what it looked like. bob was like i had the door closed. like that is going to keep them out?! door is open! someone was in there! so why was nothing said?!

so now my plan of just saying nothing is ruined, cause i don't know if anyone seen it or not!!!! and if it was seen why was nothing said?!?!?!? i am not a good liar at all. and i am totally stressed out. dr. phil said that omission was the same as lying. my plan now is if it is brought up, say it was already broken when we got there, i thought she knew that. (assuming she saw it) i thought you saw it when you were upstairs. so in case someone did see it, i'm not acting like i don't know about it. just act matter of factly, like you saw it.......

i feel horribly though!!!! the honest part of me is saying should say something, but then i feel like a goof, why didn't i tell her while i was there, or why didn't i call her?! then the other part of me is screaming what i listed above. i NEED this job!! and definitely don't have $300+ to pay for a window to be replaced!!!

so what do you all think?? (not that it matters, if you say to tell the truth :) ) i just feel so awful. it is totally stressing me out!!! why does this stuff happen to me?!?!?! (bad stuff!)