i've just been thinking a lot lately about my dad. at the end of the month, the 29th, it will have been 8 years since he passed away.

i've just been thinking about things that he has missed. of course he missed walking me down the isle and clay being born, but i mean just other normal everyday stuff. like he never seen a dvd. i don't even think they were invented then. he missed 9/11, which i guess is a good thing, that was just sad. he missed me actually getting a job at the post office back in 1996. then missed me starting my own cleaning business in 1999. and the internet!! when we got out computer, the internet was just new and not ALL that it is today. he would have really liked it. he was a very smart, intelligent man. all the knowledge out there on the internet would have been very interesting to him.

also a lot of just little things, that i knew he would appreciate or get a kick out of, i just think, "oh my dad would have liked that!" i just get sad. i miss him!!!!!!

then it gets me all thinking about the mortality of the rest of my family. i know i am a very "feeling" person. it also may be due to the fact that i have lost so many people so early in life. my grandmother when i was 12, way before her time. a close cousin of mine when whe was in her 30's, way before her time, then my dad when he was 51, way before his time. they were all so dear to me, and it killed me losing them!

it also occured to me that it has been a year since my uncle, my mom's brother, was in the hospital and we thought we were going to lose him! thankfully he has mostly recovered now, but the thoughts still go through my head. i almost make myself sick thinking about it all, especially my mother. i don't know what i would do if anything ever happened to her!!

i know....it is life.....i just have to deal with it all and live my life! easier said than done.

sorry about the babbling, just my thoughts at the moment! take care!!!